I wouldn't call him an alcoholic. I wonder if there's such a thing as a situational alcoholic? He's only been drinking heavily since the A started, and if past performance is any indicator, he'll stop when it stops.
He'd never see a therapist, and I'm in no position in his mind to force the issue. I get what you're saying and I agree totally, but right now, I'm his therapist.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING INCLUDES SEX TALK, FOR THOSE OF YOU SHRINKING VIOLETS. I know it's a roller coaster and I'm not putting a ton of emphasis on this just yet. He's just gotten up to go to the bathroom and I'm just on here to say - ummm, woohoo? Or WTH? I just don't know.
Around 11:30, I woke slightly to find he was next to me again, and so I took a chance and touched him. He pushed a bit closer so I initiated ML. Not only did he go for it, he totally was into it. He kept calling me baby and I wondered for a few moments if he knew who I was or was confused - having been drinking and awoken in the middle of the night. He was so passionate and kissed me... and when we were done, he cried and said "I'm so scared, I'm just so scared." I said there was nothing to be afraid of, we'd get through this together and he held me very tightly. Now, 4.5 hours later, he's been holding me all night, and I mean really holding me. Tight, next to me, holding my hand.
I know, I know, he could go to work and email OW and be gone again... I know. BTDT. But this is a huge breakthrough. After the last A, he said that ML was instrumental in keeping us together, making us feel connected. It sounds cold, but I made sure to hold him long after the O to make sure all that oxytocin and vasopressin was released and used in my favor. And after this first hurdle, I feel he may begin to let down some walls.
H is way too emotional and sensitive to just allow ML without following up with allowing it again, and also breaking through and maybe allowing other touching, like hand holding, etc.
