WAW Using God II

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=thegoodfight]There is a lot going on here. Bible study for the both of you, I guarantee that is not a bad thing.

Also she must confess, renounce, and repent for her sins.


Perhaps that is exactly what God wants. But it is not the spouse's job or position to "make" a wayward spouse do these things, or be their confessor. And what's the goal here, to be reconciled or to be "right"?

It is definitely not a "turn on" to say the least. The last thing this particular wife needs is more shame, although if remorse (which is diff) motivates her to make the changes needed AND her faith helps her keep those changes permanent, then --GREAT!

But any spouse who preaches to or condemns their WAS, while perhaps being morally "right" --is missing out on what the MWD principles are. And they won't be reconciled!. And no, me saying that does NOT equate with me condoning the A behavior.

Sorry, and Forgive me if this offends b/c I don't mean to. But, to me, the idea of an LBS h or w telling a WAS that they must "Confess and repent" sounds almost laughable.

I mean, IF the WAS had normal morals or weren't having some type of MLC, they wouldn't be in an adulterous sitch in the first place - so a sermon won't help, and if anything, it will make the WAS flee even faster. And if the WAS is confused or in a fog (and pigskin's W is more like that than most and isn't using it as an excuse, but seems to have some real problems emotionally) SO if she is starting to feel guilt and insight, and motivation to change, WHAT STOPS A COUPLE FROM RECONCILING IF THE "A" IS OVER???
I believe that when a WAS wants to come home,
the thing that is most likely to keep a reconciliation from happening, is the WAS's belief that they won't be forgiven, and that the LBSer will hold it against them forever, eternally swinging the A over their heads to be brought out every time there's a fight, or disagreement, etc. And I think a sermon under those circumstances would only confirm the fears of the WAS who wants to come back. As I said before, a lot of people who have A's want to come back but are stopped by the belief that they'll never be able to move past it.

ANd sometimes, they're right. So Pigskin has to figure out whether he can ever move forward with this woman, and let go of the past. He has some major forgiveness work to do, but has already started it, knowing that no matter what happens with his wife HE needs to let go of it so HE can be happy again, free from the past. And his w has to believe that it's possible for both of them to go, "from this day forward"... hope I'm being clear and making sense. It's an important point.
j-