My W has slept from 2pm till 11pm I was going to bed she got out went to the restroom came back out and laid on the bedroom floor???? I got up grabbed a pillow walked past her and she said "where u going" I said "going to go lay on the couch, so you can be comfortable in bed" she replied "I am comfortable that's why I came down her, not because u went in bed."
Odd and hard to believe. I still walked out the room...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
1. You can talk to the father 2. You can turn away from him and show him up to his daughter
He's clearly lying to you. He tells you its no one else's business and then in private he counsels her against you? Does he KNOW that you are aware of the secret advice he's been trying to send her?
I am just wondering if you called him or it or if won't do any good. I don't expect you to win him over.
I just wonder if you just sat with him and asked him to give you a chance and to back off if he would. I dunno .. It's his daughter... and I guess the mother in law is telling her daughter the same story?
You may just have to keep up the good work and believe that your wife loves you enough still that she will give you that chance. You are making a dent, you have acknowledged that... you will have to keep trying... either that or approach FIL to back off.. but you write as if you don't think that's an option.
If you can't trust him then no sense trying... but if you think it might do some good to ask him to stop meddling behind your back... Maybe he doens't see what he's doing is having any impact and you need to explain to him that it DOES... It's all based on how much you trust him and how adult he is about this whole thing... you have to gauge that.
I approached him twice since the sitch began. The first time he did sound upset and hoped we worked it out and said "I love you" the second time he was giving hidden messages as if I should just give up "end the end you guys got to do what makes you happy and accept it for what it is." After that I knew talking to him would be a lost cause.
Each time I admitted my faults and expressed my love for his daughter.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
He likley needs to be divorce busted along with his daughter.. it would be a very similar process. No talking, just DOing... good constructive healthy things and setting an example consistently to win him over again.
My W has slept from 2pm till 11pm I was going to bed she got out went to the restroom came back out and laid on the bedroom floor???? I got up grabbed a pillow walked past her and she said "where u going" I said "going to go lay on the couch, so you can be comfortable in bed" she replied "I am comfortable that's why I came down her, not because u went in bed."
Odd and hard to believe. I still walked out the room...
TOugh call, but I would have done the same as you... You took advantage of the awkwardness to look the better man for it all.. well played.
If she comes out to get you to come back then just go back... but not if she is on the floor... my wife tried this too.. we used to argue about sleeping arrangements all the time... we both tried to sleep somewhere uncomfortable to make the other feel guilty.. lol
FIL lives 2hrs away at the moment. My W does not talk to him often and neither do I. I could do a 180 and call him once a week but now would be a terrible tim to start because my wife will see it as. Way to win her over and it would set us back.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Can't fault your FIL though. He's doing what we would say to our kids in the end. We would want what makes them "happy". That's why DB says to not count on family and friends.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
FIL lives 2hrs away at the moment. My W does not talk to him often and neither do I. I could do a 180 and call him once a week but now would be a terrible tim to start because my wife will see it as. Way to win her over and it would set us back.
Yes, she would see that I think. Its a shame you hadn't invested more in that relationship earlier too.. I guess you see that as a mistake now too... Women usually take a lot of pride in their fathers and building a close relationship to them on your part is a key expression of your commitment to yer. I am sure you get that now... don't mean to give you I told ya so's.
Onward and upward right? What you could do is just invite him to call you or to visit anytime he wants. That way you have at least opened the door and if he rejects it then its on him. I assume he has your cell phone number at least?
I don't think your wife will be offended if you open the door, but pursuing him would yes be pursuing her...
So the new bed set was delivered today. My W participated in the assembly. Once all completed she wanted to take a ride somewhere, I said I would join her because I had to go to the same place.
My wife then said "we need to get some patio furniture." And I said "we can go and look" 10 min later I comeback and said "where did you want to go look for the furniture" she then replied "I didn't want to, that's up to you if you want it. Your the one who will be spending the money" she then walks out the room and back in and said "you ever figure out what your going to do with the mortgage once I leave?" And I replied "I thought about it before yes" so in return she said "because your going to have a lot of payments" and walked out the room again.... Wow
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
