So the D is off. I can't say I feel a massive relief considering all the things going on. More hope says my brain, haven't solved all the deal-breaker issues crys my heart.
I hope it helps. I've now committed to the 6 months of trying to act married. I 'warned' my W that lingering issues might need her patience & she says she was OK with that.
I couldn't get the motivation to cook a meal, so I tried for a romantic dinner. She felt I was gawking at the waitress when we arrived, so things didn't go great in that regards. She seemed off, and went to the bathroom. She came back and seemed very upset. I asked her what was wrong, and reluctantly she told me. It turned out that she didn't use the can, but rather went to decide if she wanted to leave or not because she felt I was comparing her. I thanked her for telling me. She asked me if I was attracted to her. I said I found her attractive. She thanked me for being honest and told me that she knew I saw her as attractive because something in her heart told her. I reminded her that I am a guy, and guys do that. I added that for the last 4 yrs I haven't been happy, and I've picked up bad habits. I also reminded her that all the employees look attractive - they don't hire the gal with 500 zits to be a waitress at restaurants.
Now, I only looked for maybe a second or two, my eyes did not pop out of my head, I didn't watch her walk around the restaurant, it was really just a casual glance. Before she left, I had pulled my foot out of my shoe and put it next to her leg. I was mostly looking at her and smiling.
How do you combat a quick look? I know my past comments made her feel insecure, but really...it was just a look!
Despite this, I had brought my wedding ring and her engagement watch (she left her ring last summer overseas) and put them on the table and made the committment to try to work for a lifetime, not just six months. She put the ring on me as quick as she could, and then put her watch on herself like a theif in a jewelry store. She was smiling, so I'll try to focus on that. It hurt, though.
The rest of the eve had a couple other rought moments related to the first. I guess we're on day one, so I must not get all stewed on the first second of heat.
