RE: MIL and painful remark: she's "not the only one not overjoyed." That is typical of her--she really is a depressed, cranky person, and tends to say awkward things at awkward moments.
That said, she has actually been pretty good about NOT talking about X in emails. It has been me doing the digging. Just like poking at a sore tooth. But maybe better than the folks here who torture themselves looking at X's FB page!
I did write back, more or less demanding to know: Who is so delighted? What, I was so awful they are glad I'm gone???
Not quite like that, but you get it.
Anyhow, she is only in touch with her family, not X's Dad's family (divorce) and I was much closer to Dad's side.
She did say that everyone keeps telling her "it's his life. Butt out." To which I replied, "they're right. Anything you or I or the fairy godmother could say would only push them closer together."
I did gather the intel that GF is still not working. And that she said that she's "concentrating on cooking for X."
So there you have it. A 42 year old man finds a 36 year old woman who: must have some source of income (I doubt he is giving her an allowance to pay for waxing and mani-pedis) but doesn't have to work. Thus can give all her time and energy into her new man, with no distractions. And be dependent on him for housing, perhaps groceries, and a social life.
What could be a more perfect match for an unhappy, emotionally and sexually starved middle aged guy, who has spent almost half his life with me--read: emotionally distant and not too hot on sex (until recently! I swear! I was heating up just before the affair began!) who is very committed to a very demanding job, and who doesn't like to cook?
He found Joan Cleaver. Only sexier. I have to admit, it seems like a very attractive package.
Anyhow, xMIL was doing her best. I dug, I got the hurt I deserve.
Talia, now that I have some time I will be able to check in on you. I like the 3 good things/day thing. I know I should be doing some writing about all this to help get through it.
Oh, and what do you mean it isn't ALL about me?? Darn, I thought it was.
And--I succeeded in sending X the formal note: my lawyer is drafting such and so, closing in May, etc. Sent it without crying. No reply yet.
I would very much like to send X a "heart note" to follow the legal note. I just want to say: I'm sorry things ended up like this. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine this could happen. I hope that someday you will give me the peace and grace of being able to tell you this. I hope you are well."
My therapist said I could say anything I want to to him. What's the point of doing all this therapy about emotions if I then don't express those darn emotions??!
I would let go of any outcomes or expectations. I would be sharing what I felt with X, which lack thereof was a big problem in our R.
So, LFA, thanks so much for your righteous anger for me, but xMIL was just being...herself.
Thanks again, guys. I will be able to read/post more the next few days.
Darn, I thought it was.
