Like him NOT move back in and you date him but you DON'T tell kids until you are a couple of months in and more sure? Then you reduce the chance of making them have to readjust. Just YOU have to readjust if it doesn't work out.
I don't know if that's realistic at all. It was just one idea. I don't know how you would know whether this is a ploy involving fear of support $. That's a tough one to know without trying. I guess it depends whether you trust him. He's had a few issues. EAs. PA etc. Does he articulate an understanding of why he chose to do these things besides "because it's your fault" somehow?
SC-IF your H really wants to reconcile, he will not put a time limit on it! What do YOU want? He is going to have to prove to you that this is what he wants! How many times has he done this?
He is not done yet with MLC and sounds like he hasn't resolved feelings of OW...are YOU ready to reconcile?
All I have is questions and no advice...
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Wouldn't it be nice if our decisons in life were multiple choice? I don't know but I am thinking that he is putting it all on your shoulders...IF you don't date him now, he will leave the country...what the?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
1) If we date now then he doesn't have to sign with L's and the sep date moves like he wanted.
2) Or if he must sign, he will leave the country and start a new life and I will have to raise the kids entirely on my own.
3)Or, can we try again. And if it works great. And if it fails, see 1 or 2 above!!
Number 2 sounds like a threat to force you into number 1 or 3. Unless it's reality. If it's reality, is it TOTALLY NEW or something he was interested in in the past? If he just pulled it out of his hat, France sounds foggy.
Back to can you number 1, date him without dragging the kids into it and seeing what happens? I'm not sure how you would even know if reconciliation is a possibility without spending some time with him at this point.
Spending some time with him may allow you to find out whether or not he has resolved his habitual going outside the relationship tendencies. Maybe it could be discussed. Not sure how else you would no unless you're ready just to call it a day and D.
And you may be. I'm not sure how much b.s. exactly he has put you through.
A) He genuinely wants to recommit - I would be careful if he still puts blame on you for "what happened" - not a good sign
B) He could be just "cycling" or peeking out of the tunnel if you will and he could still go back
C) He may still be as confused as before and just trying what he didn't try before (reconciliation) to see if it will solve his inner struggle.
D) This ultimatum - either it works or I'm moving to France kind of "smells" of MLC-still-going-strong
But don't let that discourage you if you want to give it a try. At least he is saying that he wants to come back, how many times you see that on this board? Take it slow if you decide to "trust" him. I wouldn't let him move back home until you do some work together (MC) and you are pretty sure that it will stick. For your sake as well as for the kid's.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
re: France, daughter heard him say something about a month ago, but I thought she misheard.
Also, when the bomb first went off, he thought about moving away to start a new life because he didn't know how to deal with all the damage he had caused to us and to (presumably) himself.
re: France (2) ... he had a temp secretary once from there, she went back. She was pretty young then, now she's probably more mature and looking to settle down. Maybe he thinks he will join into her social circle? They emailed back and forth for a while, similar types of humour. She sure didn't like me much. But that would be really weird. His company could transfer him. But she was no one, a traveling temp secretary party girl from a decade ago.
