Again NO PRESSURE, asking her if she wants a divorce and you telling us that she couldn't even say it but you kept asking, well that is ...... PRESSURE.
Stop that. Remember the rules I put out before, pressuring doesn't work, it never does, let it be.
<scratching head> Wait. What? I'm confused. I haven't asked that since the bomb was dropped weeks ago. I find it strange that when she brings up the D (as she has three times now), she doesn't address it as it is it really is. A divorce. I haven't pressured anything. I think we have our wires crossed.
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As for the divorce arrangements, I'm very sure she doesn't want to have to do that work, she might do it but I'm telling you she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger, she feels guilty enough with her affair and telling you she doesn't want to be married to you anymore and knowing the effect that all of this has on you. That's why I said.... let her take care of the divorce arrangements, I gave you the script, use that and stop asking so many f!@#$* questions, you have to act as if you don't care, asking those questions was a form of pursuing, asking her for her feelings, asking her if she really wanted a divorce, wanting her to admit it, etc.
I totally agree. But I think there is misunderstanding. I stuck to the script. My questions were just that. Mine. I was golden in the exchange. I didn't ask her anything today. Calm. I followed your advice. I was noting that from the bomb to now she has never said divorce. Sorry if I laid that out wrong.
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When she says things like "I don't see a future for us together...", I want you to agree and put a positive spin on it. "You're right WIFE, it's hopeless, it's impossible, I agree with you, it will never work out between us".
Yes allow her to put on her big girl panties and do the work.
As for the in-laws, call them and thank them for the card.
Did it. Not easy, but I'll continue to do it. From now on it is all big girl panties. I'm sending and calling in all thank you's in the morning.
