Messed up

[jt2007]

I wish I had found this about 7 months ago.
Im not sure if this is the right place to post..let me know.

H discovered facebook and found all old "friends" just as he turned 40. Been married 16 years. H became close to a female friend I didnt trust the relationship. OW was having probs in her marriage. Confronted it and H became distant and threw me out of bedroom literaly when I was sleeping one night. Was made to sleep in daughters room or move out. I was totaly mentaly messed with at this point...didnt know up from down.
H would sarcasticaly say I was everything "right" in his life.

He refused to quit the friendship with the ow and would get emotional over her, and "worry about her" devoting himself to their relationship instead of trying to do anything with ours.

He pushed me to move out after being at stay at home mom for 4 children for 16 yrs. I said NO.
Ended up in domestic violence. He spent 12 hrs there and had instrructed our children to call OW if anything happend to him . I didnt know this...they CALLed her when he went to jail.



Fast Forward..let him back in house because of job at home...made it through christmas and he asked me to move out again said he hated me and he wasnt my husband anymore. Then would say he was sorry then would say ugly stuff again said the OW was supporting me instead of him..she was my biggest advocate. He seemed messed up and to not know what he wanted.

Made me feel like I had the rug pulled out from under me. I couldnt think for myself at all. Except to say NO I would not move out.
Finally gave in to moving out because of our children watching all this while leaving he became physical with me and I left upset. He wouldnt let me see the kids..so I called to police they arrested him for leaving bruising on me.

This is the only time he has ever done anything like this..and I am very confused. He spent another 12 hours in jail and I didnt let him back in the house.


Came to be about a month and I filed for divorce but didnt realy want to. I wanted my husband back NOT the jerk from the past 6 months.
I got the judge to dismiss the case saying I was mentally messed up at the time. I wanted my life back and I didnt want the court involved.

When he came back I left the house and didnt ask for anything. He was very upset that I had filed for divorce and that he felt betrayed from me filing divorce and being put in jail for both times and having to go through all the court cost and time. I begged and cried for forgivness...not sure why..except I wanted my husband back.

He would not stop being friends with the other woman and I had found emails from here saying that she edged it on and that she didnt want to ruin her marriage that she ws trying to get back on tract...he would openly become upset that she wouldnt talk to him and he would take it out on me verbally.

He said he hated all of he past 40 years and would never be happy....IM 4 years younger than him and Had no idea that turning 40 and losing some of his hair would turn him into such a Jerk.

But I dont know if this is realy him now or if its just a phase.

I told him that I would do whatever would make him feel like he would get to have a great life and move past the negative feelings he had for me. I didnt want our family to die.

He felt the only way was to have a divorce so I could never put him in jail for domestice violence again. He was "afriad of me" messing up our only income and lifestyle WE had made over the past 16 years.
He wanted me to have my own career (ow had her own career and 2 kids), instead of being with the kids THAT really hurt me...butI gave in....my kids range for elementary school to 1st yr in high school.

So I gave everything to him the house kids and any money we had. Moved out. Signed divorce papers. He paid for a new car for me and is still supporting me but its not in the papers. Im going to school and doing well in my grades.

BUT Im not sure when his midlife crisis will be over. He has told me that he has no one he is romantcaly interested in...but doesnt have those feelings for me because he felt betrayed by me. (I think is bs because he threw me out of the room 6 months ago..and we still had sex...but said he didnt have romanice feeling s about it back then too)

If I knew it would have been like this I would have let him Have his crises in a totally different way.
Im not sure if we can ever get the fire to our friendship again. I dont know weather to cut it off completly with him or continue to let him have a relationship like we were still husband and wife. I feel like im hurt in a totaly different way then he is. I hate not being able to wear my wedding ring.

Just not sure about the midlife thing and how to go on with it,,,why do I feel like its MY Crisis...when it should be HIS>...

I just need some connection with others that are going through same sort of thing sorry to be so long in the post.