H wants to reconcile. Give our marriage one last try. Says there's never been anyone else for him but me. Says "WE" are special. But if I don't want to, OK, he will move on.
What do I do?????
Upside of reconciling - if it works my family is back together, kids have their father around all the time, we go on planning the future we were sort of working on before. Nice picture.
Downside of reconciling - piecing does not look like any fun, or very easy. Even when both partners appear 150% committed to it, (is he? am I?). There is no "one" PA to just get over, though it's likely he went outside the marriage ... the issues/relationship rift or maybe even his personality (or mine) are unclear. If it doesn't work, I will be an emotional wreck AGAIN, kids will have to readjust AGAIN, and I will have to start all over again in 6, 12, or 24 months or so (whenever). Major loss of relationship trust. If we go back to arguing and not being happy then it will not set a good role model for the kids, especially teenager who only has few years left at home.
Why does he want to reconcile - optimistic version - he loves me and doesn't want to live without me. (And I do love him and I do think he's special - to me).
Why does he want to reconcile - pessimistic version - he will have to pay alot of support for many years, but if he can stall for 1 year he will probably cut support owing in half to two-thirds, making it easier to move on to a new life in a short while. He already spent most of the savings we had, so he'd be appartment bound for a long time. He misses seeing the kids all the time. Hanging out in an appartment without an OW is just not that much fun. He misses having control over the family finances and decisions and people. He "shot himself in the foot" and is trying to get a better deal.
Weird things he said - it's still very much my fault what happened, if our marriage doesn't work out after the reconciliation attempt then he's planning on moving to France (from North America) in 2 years time!!!! (FRANCE??? where did that come from?). Will just see his kids once a year for a month in the summer in France. He has no intention of doing the normal D and seeing me every few days to trade off the kids, not interested in being "that" man. I must decide very soon whether to start "dating" him, preferably by Monday!! No clear plan on how he will live in this city with us, just says don't worry he can work it out when the time comes.
