how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

when my H left last night, he had a few minor changes he needed to ask his sister to make to the separation agreement. he was a wreck when he left here last night and she is away visiting family right now, so i assumed it would at least be after the weekend when he got it back to me.

he emailed me the changed agreement tonight with a note saying he'd stayed home from work today and he hoped i was holding up ok.

it took a LOT of willpower not to email him back a very snarky and angry reply. it took him less than 24 hours to turn the updated agreement around and he HOPES I'M HOLDING UP OK??!?!?!

i haven't cried that hard in a LONG time. it got to a point where little kids get...that sort of sobbing inhale/exhale where you think there is no way they can possibly be getting enough air and they just scream and scream.

i feel like i did the day he left. the day he moved out. it still hurts exactly the same, only now it hurts worse.

i had so much hope. and it just keeps fading and fading...