My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

Ohhh boy, I could just kick myself. I came home at lunch today and the h was here. Weird, I know. He has pretty much avoided the house especially when he knows I will be here. I should have put the car in reverse and backed out of the drive way.

The h seemed really distant. He was working on the computer and I asked about an app on his phone. He was showing me how it worked when a text message came from the ow...he tried to clear it really quick but it wouldn't clear and then he put his phone down so maybe I wouldn't see it. I just said "h, I saw it is a text message from ow don't try to hide it, I saw it". I left it at that. He is an IDIOT.... I thought he said he wasn't talking with her. Hmmm.

Anyway, we talked a bit. Probably shouldn't have. I can't even remember half of the stuff I said or he said. But he did say again that he thinks he should file for d. He basically told me that he is still unhappy in our marriage and his life in general. He doesn't know what will make him happy. I asked if a D was going to make him happy and he said he didn't know but he needs to make a decision. He said he has tried to be happy in our marriage but he isn't and he has tried. Apparently coming home for a couple days at a time is trying. I told him that I don't think coming home and then still talking with the ow is "trying", and our lives have been very opposite and chaotic the last few years, with much time not spent together. he still believes this has nothing to do with it.... He also said something to the effect that he was just going to go on for the rest of his life depressed and unhappy and it wasn't fair for me to be dragged along. WTF, so is he admitting he is depressed? I mentioned that if he really was depressed everything else can seem to be the problem when really it is the depression.

Long story short I again told him that I don't want to be divorced because I do actually love him and I didn't get married to divorce him when things got a little rough.... I told him that I couldn't be mad at him and that I would still love him no matter what but I couldn't make his decision for him.

I'm pretty sure the h heard what he wanted and it isn't what I wanted him to hear. I also don't think he is in a rational spot to hear anything with the OW in the picture.

I made another mistake and a few hours later sent him a text telling him that I hoped he wasn't upset at me for telling him how I feel. he told me he wasn't upset.

I of course shared this info with my friend and she said he needs to "man up and stop being a pu@#! and take responsibility for himself and choose his path and if he wants to choose to be miserable and not get help then that is choice and it isn't very manly to choose to be miserable and not take responsibility in his m". I love my friend. Don't get her wrong, she absolutely loves my h and is really upset that he isn't getting help for himself and is doing this to our m.

Husband doesn't think he is being fair to me and said again that I should be mad at him. I ask him if he would be happy if I was mad at him and he said it would make it easier.

He is so lost and he said no one is telling him what to do and he doesn't know what to do. I really feel like to write an email to him. Again, just express how I feel about our m and that it is difficult to build a new marriage with 3 people in it. . . . I'm not positive what else exactly, but something that he can read and it's not just me blabbing and he hears what he wants. Not sure it is a good idea. I will probably wait a day and see how things go and how I feel