thanks Grit. Thank you for being here for me and checking in. I wasn't very excited about today but I did see a glimmer of hope. I am not going to go off course. I am happier not obsessing about everything he is thinking about or doing...and I realize that I am unhappy when I am doing those things. It was nice to finally see him do something nice for me...not because I asked..or expected it..he did it on his own- and he went out of his way to do it. He doesn't deserve a cookie for this..he should have been doing these things all along..but a positive step for a change...and I feel like I should point out some of the positives here. I spend a great deal of time talking about his negatives..I am sure it makes it hard for anyone reading my posts to understand why I want to save my M. There is a good side to my H..although it has been hidden for far too long. But he will need to prove there is more to being in a M than being a bike mechanic.

He is very manipulative and I don't think he has changed his ways..but I guess there is now some effort there. I am nervous about MC tomorrow night. I don't know what to expect. The MC said it can be painful..I feel so good right now so I'm obviously not looking forward to the pain that she speaks of. We will see what tomorrow brings. I need to remember to remain calm and detached. I cannot let my emotions get the best of me..even during touchy subjects..which is pretty much everything that we will be focusing on. I read that when someone is trying to detach from the situation..to pretend that I am looking down on the situation instead of being part of it...if that makes any sense. Let's see how that works out for me.

Eating grubs doesn't sound so bad compared to dealing with all this chit. wink I would take a chewy, dirty grub any day over this. Hell..I'd gladly take a dozen.