Thanks - I"ve been very depressed today. I'll be sure to make the space although this week I have no rehearsals so I was going to use the time to bond with the family = ack!
I cried a lot today but made movement toward getting a new therapist that specialized in my particular childhood issues so I"m glad about that.
this sounds like something good you're doing for yourself- I hope you find a good one. Maybe you and S can do some stuff just the two of you this week, without H.
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Planning on working on communicating more with H in MC next monday - the thing that scares me is I don't know how I"m going to handle the "I should have dumped you early on because we were doomed" speech I get any time I try to look at what went wrong between us and work on how to fix it. He's in so much avoidance mode I don't think I can take it and stay calm. Any advice? I will ask our MC for advice too.
Well, it's hard to say without knowing if he'd even hear you. I mean, if he's a practical person, then it's unproductive and a waste of $ to keep repeating the same inane thing. Why is he going to MC if he doesn't want to work on anything? Is he like my H- he wants someone to validate that *I'm* the one that needs fixing? Does he want to look at your problems and not his own, or does he just like to rehash his past predictions of your R?
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Just feeling really poed that H's idea of dealing with problems is not dealing with problems, blaming every one else (me), and living in a narcissistic bubble.Of course I shouldn't be surprised, that's what my father did my whole life. IRony is, my father has changed that in his older age.
Well that partly answers my Q. Maybe someday when they are old and alone b/c they've pushed everyone good out of their lives, they will realize what they did and have regret. But I'm not holding my breath.
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Wishing I was stronger to walk away. My advice to anyone else would be to let him go and see if that is really what he wants ultimately, but the pain on being on this end of rejection and blame is too painful. THus, the therapist hunt - time to look for someone to help me deal with this pain as it is my issue to work on. Letting go...the hardsest thing for a girl who left a broken home at 15 and dreamed of a family of her own for so many years.....and once she found the very thing she dreamed of her whole life is facing watching it dissolve into nothingness...
(((Hope)))
I do hope you find an IC to help talk through some of this stuff. Despite my H's disdain, doing long-term therapy, working on things that weren't working for me, is the best thing I've ever done for myself.
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Still very depressed. Talked to L today says there's nothing legally I can do to get more than 50% custody basically unless H is beating S. He said all I can do is have the court order parenting classes. UGh.
What if he has addiction problems- did you mention that? (I hope I'm remembering right that that's you and not someone else's H...)
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I"m so depressed about the prospect of leaving H alone iwth S and I feel he's so unsafe. L says if H refuses the court ordered parenting classes then I may have some ammunition. But not much.
Ok, so you don't have to deal with this quite yet. Maybe down the road but not today. If it's causing you anguish, maybe you can try to shift it to the list of things you eventually have to deal with, but not now. That's probably kind of lame advice, but that's what I'm trying to do with things that are scaring and stressing me out. Like I can't imagine another woman being a step mom to my child. I'm WAAAAAAYYYYY out in the future with my worries and trying to reel back. I hope tomorrow is better for you--
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
