I've been having discussions in my head. I keep telling myself that I need to be my own agent. So the agent voice is telling me everything you guys are saying. But the wimpy, whiny voice keeps saying, "But, but, but..." I wish I could kick the crap out of the wimpy, whiny voice.
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I have only recently made the decision to call my H's bluff and it is his loss....
And like Rob said earlier, maybe someday they will wake up and realize the mistake they made, maybe they won't. It just seems like she is the one constantly forcing my hand to help her push this along. Making me do all the hard work. Gee... how original W. Just like our marriage.
So Serenity, did he file? Is it final? BTW, I love your name. I'm a huge Joss Whedon "Firefly" fan. However, I'm sure that is not why you chose it, but it is still cool.
The W couldn't even say "I want a divorce". She still hasn't. I had to ask my own bomb, "What are you saying? Do you want a divorce". She just got to said, "yes". It's always "get together to talk about arrangements" or "I don't see a future for us together". Holy sh*t. Just say it already. It's easy. "D-I-V-O-R-C-E". It's not a hard word to pronounce. Well that's it. I wash my hands of doing her dirty work. She can put on her big girl panties and take over from here. Grrr..
I'm putting way to much thought into this. Nothing has really changed other than I have a lot more room in the house. Nothing has been a surprise so far. I have no control over it, so no sense worrying. What happens, happens. Got to stop analyzing it. Focus on the realities. Keep DBing. Shut up wimpy, whiny voice.
I did get something interesting in the mail. A birthday card from my FIL. My MIL is the one who sends the cards. He was the only one to sign it and he signed off "Love". Very weird. That is a definite first. I wonder what's going on.
--Fergie
Again NO PRESSURE, asking her if she wants a divorce and you telling us that she couldn't even say it but you kept asking, well that is ...... PRESSURE.
Stop that. Remember the rules I put out before, pressuring doesn't work, it never does, let it be.
As for the divorce arrangements, I'm very sure she doesn't want to have to do that work, she might do it but I'm telling you she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger, she feels guilty enough with her affair and telling you she doesn't want to be married to you anymore and knowing the effect that all of this has on you. That's why I said.... let her take care of the divorce arrangements, I gave you the script, use that and stop asking so many f!@#$* questions, you have to act as if you don't care, asking those questions was a form of pursuing, asking her for her feelings, asking her if she really wanted a divorce, wanting her to admit it, etc.
When she says things like "I don't see a future for us together...", I want you to agree and put a positive spin on it. "You're right WIFE, it's hopeless, it's impossible, I agree with you, it will never work out between us".
Yes allow her to put on her big girl panties and do the work.
As for the in-laws, call them and thank them for the card.
