I think cold, hard reality hit him once he found out that the family knew what was going on.
It may even have been that he had a fight and she dumped him... There are too many varibles to trust him yet. He can't just walk back into his marriage, he needs to EARN his way back in... he has to do the work before he's allowed back in.
Do NOT have any physical activity with him AT LEAST until you have been fully tested.
I dont' even reccomend it if you are both tested and clean yet.. wait at least three months... the three month no sex rule is a good test of BOTH your maturity levels.
Do NOT have any physical activity with him AT LEAST until you have been fully tested.
I dont' even reccomend it if you are both tested and clean yet.. wait at least three months... the three month no sex rule is a good test of BOTH your maturity levels.
Oh ya, guys, you called it. Today he's back to it being over, and somehow my fault it's over because I refuse to not talk to friends and family. This started today because I told H that DS and I are going to a play-date tomorrow and H just had to remind me that I can't talk to this friend about us, and that in fact I should be trying to repair the damage I caused. I basically said that I will talk to my friends about what I will, he has no say in it.
Let me backtrack here and tell you a new strategy I have started up in the last few days. When H blows up on cussing rants I pull out my phone and hit the voice record. Texas is a one-party state so this is legal, though H knows I am doing this anyway. It is infuriating him. He starts cussing me out, I hit record. Now he wants me to sign some paper to say I will not record him...ha! Fat chance! Well, H is still trying to google and find a way that this is not legal of me, but I will double-check this with the L tomorrow so I'm going to stay ahead of him on that anyway. Either way, it has the nice effect of cutting his argumentative conversations short.
He also wants me to sign some paper saying I won't talk to family and "his" friends (our friends, actually). He thinks because he's known these friends a year longer than I have he owns the monopoly on them. Well, he doesn't.
So, who wants to place bets on whether he starts up the talking to OW again tonight?
They very likely had a fight and she threw him out but they got back together again sometime after that. That's my guess anyhow...
The phone reocrd thing is brilliant... bravo...
If he complains about you exposing his affair give him this line :
"As long as you are cheating - I am talking about it. You seem to think this is an open marriage so I say its also a free country and I know my rights and one of them is to speak my mind."
So, who wants to place bets on whether he starts up the talking to OW again tonight?
The GOOD news is LJ that this is a strong indicator that they DID have a fight... and his response to the fight is to come home and work things out with you.
If you just keep up the good work and the fights continue, they will get worse and last longer... eventually it will be a dealbreaker of a spat.. that's how the affair ended in my home
The problem though, is that LJ's h is also an alcoholic. This is very hard to combat in addition to the A's.
LJ, I think that this may be a case where you and your child will be far better off without your h. I know it hurts, but since he has been this abusive during all the time you've known him, I can't see him changing. This is who he is, always was, always will be, and you deserve better.
Well tonight went badly. H basically overpowered me, took my phone, and erased all my recordings. So instead of going the non-violent route of stopping arguing with me when I pulled out the phone to voice record he decided to go the violent route of wrestling the phone from me, running away to lock himself in the bathroom, and deleting the files from my phone.
When he got my phone from me I ran to his study, grabbed his phone (and was super glad it was sitting there and wasn't in his pocket or something, would have had to go to the neighbors and cause a scene otherwise), and called the most recent number on his list, his mother, to let her know what was going on and that I needed help. She called H's father to come to our house but H had already taken off by then. They are all very disturbed by this. But I am so glad I let them know what was going on the moment it happened, I can't keep stuff like this a secret especially.
He wants no one to know what's going on because he wants to accept no personal responsibility for his behavior. He is in a fury at me because I am basically forcing him to accept responsibility for his behavior by outing him to his peers. He can pretend and make excuses when it's all contained to the bubble of our home, but it's a whole different story when things are out in the open. He is responding rather unpleasantly to this (an understatement, I know).
Thank god I am seeing the L tomorrow because this is more than enough for me. H is a big guy, almost six and a half feet tall, and I just don't feel safe with him behaving like this. He used his size and strength to overpower me and get what he wanted, which was my cell phone. I am wondering if (or when) he'll overpower me for my computer next. I can't live with this kind of insecurity.
How could it have taken me so long to see how controlling he is? He was all happy yesterday and the day before when he felt he had me contained with his false apologies and promises, but once he learned I was still going to go out, GAL, seek support, and talk to my friends despite his "I'm so sorry" speech, he blew up again.
What were you saying about a dealbreaker of a spat, Allen? Except I think this one is a dealbreaker for ME.
You have tremendous support. You need to seek that out right now and protect yourself.
Addictions can get violent at times. His head i snot on straight.. and from KL's post it looks like he is fighting two you think so... I think its time to protect yourself definitely.
This doens't mean you don't expose, it just means you need to protect yourself from him first.
I am actually surprised he did that... That's a daring move particularly in today's age... He must know he's not going to appear well in court for that.
YOu could have called the police and a report would have been filed.... not sure if that wouldnt' have been a better idea... ?
