H: Will you move back up here with me? Me: You have work to do before you move in with anyone - stop lying and cheating for starters.
H: I guess you are right. What do you want to see from me? Me: It isn't about me, its about me and my son. He needs a father, but I haven't seen one.
H: You are right. It wasn't right the way I acted. I think I was just acting out. I was a ticking time bomb. I didn't want you around to see me destruct. I still feel like I am going to destruct. Me: Nothing
H: It is like I want to try to make our marriage work but at the same time I feel I might not be doing it for the right reasons. I just don't know how I feel. And when I talk to you I can tell that you are happy. I actually feel the happiness from you. You seem so different from when we were living together. Like you got your pep back. But me, I am still in the same place...just as unhappy. I mean, I know you are not happy with the situation but you seem to be happy with life still.
Me: I've been working to become a good parent instead of playing mind games and lying to people.
H: I need to talk to someone but i dunno.
Me: I am not your mother - you want to be a parent and a husband to someone one day you need to learn how and stop making excuses. Being a husband and father isn't a part time job or a full time job - its a twenty four hour a day seven days a week PRIVILEDGE that you EARN.
H: i just haven't had time but i guess you could say it wasn't a priority. The thing about me is that when I put my mind to something I stick with my decision even if it is to my detriment. So with this apartment thing, its like I am trying to get something that I feel i missed out on even if it costs me dearly. In the end I might look back and realize that it wasn't worth it but I still am going to do it regardless. that is just the way I've always made decisions.
Me: You hurt people. As long as you make decisions on your own you will be alone - my son will have nothing to do with you. When you are a husband and a parent you make decisions as a FAMILY - not solo. You want to be a parent without the responsability - that hurts me and your son. Your decisions hurt people.
H: sometimes good and sometimes bad. Its like i am going to do enough to make sure our son is taken care of and I know that he is being well cared for so i don't have to worry about that. i just want to get back what i feel i missed out on even though i am not sure what it is yet. I am chasing something and feel like i can't stop until i get it. and i didn't want you around while i went down that path.
me: You should have thought of that before you cheated on me, before you married me, before you decided to have sex and become a father. That chasing nonsense ends when you graduate high - school. It's just an excuse to avoid adulthood.
H: I wouldn't say I am an addict but you are right when you put it like that.
Me: Good luck with that.
H: you are right. Well, I feel a little better after talking to you. I was reading a card my mom gave to you when we first started dating and she told you that she knows I love you even if I don't show it. I never learned how to show love the right way but my mom was right about that card.
Me : Love is action, that's where it begins and ends - and for far too long you have been treating me like $hit.
