Struggling with Hope

[fisherman]

Hey man,

There is some gooood stuff in the beginning of your post today.

First I believe that I have finally reached the "acceptance" stage of where I am in my M. I have finally accepted that it is over. That is not to say that I am not standing but I am no longer standing still (someone has that as thier signature).

Who does?

I'm not trying to be an ass here, but unless you're completely different from 99 percent of us here, acceptance will come and go like waves for a time. Me personally, I don't believe you just all of a sudden "arrive." You visit it for a time, then you go back, then you visit it for a longer period of time and this will go on for a while. That's just my opinion though, I have been know to be full of it.

5) I will be sitting down with her to be open and honest in terms of how I feel and what I am doing. Some of you may question or challenge this - I need to do this for a variety of reasons.

Are you remembering the state of mind that she is in? I think you may get burned here, but if you need to do it for you so be it.

So what do I plan to say to her....

a.) I will appologize for my role in the failure of the M.
b.) I will tell her that I did not appreciate having the failure of the M put squarely on my shoulders.
c.) I will reiterate my position on filing _ I will not do it.
d.) I will let her know that I am not leaving the house for the sole purpose of the kids.
e.) I will tell her that I am dealing with the anger of the sitch. I'll also tell her why I feel angry.
f.) I will try and make sure that she understands that the anger is MY issue to deal with and I would respectfully request that she really try and leave me alone so that I can deal with it.
g.) I will tell her that I did not appreciate the first EA that started before she dropped the bomb.
h.) I will ensure her that I will not contact OM or his W. Why?
i.) I will wish her well in her life
j.) I will request that we work on trying to be very good co parents. This will require some degree of communication.

I hope you take another look at what you plan to say. I hope you really examine your reasons of WHY you feel the need to say some of this.

Being on the other side of this amazing and sometimes shitty journey and taking a look at what you've said you needed to say to her, I find myself asking why? to much of it.

Acceptance to me would be telling her ( i ) and ( j ) nothing more.

I want to clear the air and be VERY open and Honest. At the end of the day, this is not about legal manuvering. If this is what she wants to do then so be it. I will not do it.

MLC... MLC.... open and honest sometimes isn't the best thing in the beginning of this. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you need to lie or anything, but you can be too open. You definitely CAN talk WAY too much and again.... more often than not, you will get burned.

She is not stupid.

Nope, but I feel you are still trying to relate to the "old" she.

I'm not going to blast you or talk you out of anything, all I can say is really examine yourself and your situation, and take your time.