help some advice plse..have i finished it for good

[JacT]

Saffie thanks so much.Bond made me think last night and hes right I lived with it but didnt accept it.I tried. Latterly, when he started to look at full make up, I realised at that point, that I wanted to help him and was moving into acceptance.Dealing with the CD was much better than the pain of losing him but here I am.

It was too late he already started the A. I really dont believe that the OW knows what she is living with and I think if he was a lady boy she would still have gone for him..a pretty desperate woman chasing a no of men and bargaining on getting one of them.I have heard she is drinking heavily probably not really coping with the whole cding.Its all guess work though. I was the main breadwinner and we have been very comfortable.When she gave my dad a lift, she asked where we stayed and drove in(dad still in car) to have a look at the house! I am sure she thought H was onto a packet if he D me but he didnt want to take anything.
She's back at gym and certainly not working out.In there from 9-3 every day!

I think I have lost him.If she is prepared to do what it takes to keep him then I think he will be reluctant not to take the chance, come back to me and lose her and not have anyone..he is terrified of being on his own.

I think I need to concentrate on GALING and if he decides to reconnect and shows a desire to come home then, I need to start working hard to show I can accept it. He needs to get her out of his system.
I am still not sure if he really wants D or h was testing the water to see if I was still in the space of not Ding.

Your point on secrecy is spot on my BIL said same thing, the fact everyone who needs to know in our family knows now so it has taken some of the excitement out of it.

If he doesnt come back, I think I have to let him go and accept he is with someone who can accept him no matter the pain.

I hope the fact he has children who he loves very much might be the catalyst.I think I need to be stronger so if he does want to come back, I can help him.

Trying hard to snow..your poor horses..I am assuming they had to be stabled during the last snow storm?

[saffie]

Jac

Sounds to me like you have a good plan there. I just feel that you need to make an obvious safe path home for your H. Hopefully if you are able to open up in CBT they will help you construct that path. Also they should be able to help you deal with your feelings regarding the CD.

The horses were stabled at night during the snow, but rugged and out playing in it in the daylight - they love it. Our pony things it's fun if you snowball him, but my 16.1hh mare looks as though you have personally assaulted her if she gets snow balled: she gives me a hurt look and slinks off, while the pony comes running back for the next shot!!!!!

[JacT]

Sounds like great fun Saf.Horses are soooo intelligent and have personalitys of their own. I only sat on one once but that was enough! take care and will let you know how CBT goes tomorrow.
Many Thanks again x

[MrBond]

It's never too late as long as you have a plan and patience. It takes awhile to change years of negativity.

Just the fact that you decided to take a stand in spite of all the challenges, is more than half the battle.

[JacT]

Thanks Bond you made me see things clearly for the first time in a long time.I appreciate your words and honesty..sometimes you need people to be straight down the line.Will keep you posted.Thanks again

[JacT]

I went for my first CBT session unfortunately it was only a qustionnaire. Hubby has ctcd his friend who he hasnt seen since Dec09.(a mutal friend). He told him his life has never been better. How can he say this when he has not seen his two D'S for 7 months? I know the answers but sometimes non of it makes sense. I will get my counselling appt next week

[JacT]

I find myself today obsessing about my H and OW.This time last year we as a family spent some time at a cottage in the country.
I dont know if my H is working or not..are they out enjoying themselves or with her d11, S13? I hate her with a vengenace.

I find it hard to believe he can fucntion without seeing his kids but I know the brain chemicals play havoc.
I have read many sitchs and whilst we talk about how these R eventually end, there seems to be alot surviving or going on for a long time.

I still cannot comprehend how a woman with 2 ch would do the same to another woman.I am not sure what personality disorder OW takes but she certainly takes pleasure in what she sees she has takn my H from.His partner of 28 yrs, kids, home, family, friends..
Apparently she had a hard life..well if it was that bad why did she stay married to her H for 15yr before D for A?
Every day she dressed up and hung around my H at the gym..I always get what I want she said when she was warned off my H by a co worker....arghhh.She used other people to get what she wanted..she has no boundaries and she is playing all the time with my very weak and depressed husbands brain.

You cant compete with these woman when they are at there most vile and manipulative..(wouldnt want to but you know what I mean). I hate myself for giving her what she wanted.

I try to convince myself she hasnt got the man I married..she has a broken man whose heart is at home with his family.
How can a mother..a mother of 2 ch hurt children by filling their dads head of reasons explaining why they wont see him, why they send back his bday, Xmas cards. How can he bloody believe it.
I am so tempted to go over and see her and give her a piece of my mind but then it gives her power...my S says she will get her day and revenge is sweet.
My M had an affair with my D, she was the ow. She was happy first but has been very unhappy for a long time.Now my D is ill she cannot go anywhere. She believes she is paying for what she did all those years ago. I cant disagree and it makes me think that you do get payback for interfering in other peoples R.

My H first line to his friends was..there are terrible stories about her but they are not true..I know her better than anyone!!! after 3 months!!!! He saw what she was like and heard it..her tongue is vile apparently for a woman..She is a predator, a parasite feeding on people who are weak.
I let it happen, I threw him out..its come back to bite me on the back side....

Four weeks now since the txt asking for a D.I am waiting on the next one asking whats happening. If he wants a D he will have to file becuase I wont take responsibilty for ending our marriage or his relationship with our D's.
Today is not a good day..the OW is everywhere I hate the hatred I feel...
CBT continues I know what I ahve to do but some days its hard...

[JacT]

My H visited his dad Sat for his bday.His d said he was very quiet.This is only second time this yr he has visited both for short periods.He had to change his gift as it was damaged and appeared again on Sun.He asked for the girls for the first time in almost 7 months.Its been 8 weeks since he sent txt re D and it has gone quiet.He was off shopping without OW.He used to do all our grocery shopping.Is love starting to falter that he is now doing it on his own?Given he works all week yu would think they would be doing things together at weekend.
My counsellor is ok and at least have realised just what I have been dealing with these last years.
How much longer can these men go without making ctc with their children.(he txts am/pm..same txt everyday) and living in a house with OW two children..I dont know how he is still functioning.
She continues to go to gym and apparently not doing lots of training!Shes there from 9-3.Looking for her next victim?
He tells his mate life never been better(in little ctc he has) yet has txt girls to say my life would be better if you were in it...confused man...

[JacT]

Anyone know what the longest period of no ctc has been around these threads before spouse does contact.I am seven months which feels like ever.Its does help manage the pain and Gal.Pup/Allen/Bond/Sonodderly whats been your experience?

[lees]

Hows things Jac?