It seems that reconciliation is a slightly different animal than DB'ing. DB'ing is all about working on one's self. There is no relationship to work on because the partner does not share the same goal of salvaging the relationship. So the only thing to do is to make ourselves the best self we can be.
However, if our partner does sincerely change their mind on their goal for the relationship, it seems that we must shift focus slightly. Working on ourselves is still of upmost importance. However, we must also focus on what is good for the marriage.
I think it was Bworl, over in Piecing, that has written some really good posts on this very subject. In fact, he contends that the things you have to do in Newcomers (esp. when there is Infidelity involved), and then in Piecing, are practically OPPOSITES, which is why it's so damned difficult to make the transition!
