Need to regroup...

[BobbiJo]

So, I have my IC this afternoon after a 2 week break...first she was out of town, then I had a conflict.

I have so much to talk about and yet nothing is really different, just in my head...hopefully I won't babble for the hour and lose focus...

What's weird is that the busier I am with speech, work, running, the kids, etc., the less I have any contact with Dan. There was a time I would text or email him about some random, non-essential kid issue, just for the contact. Now I almost NEVER contact him, HE is usually contacting me for whatever reason.

His texts have become a little longer and more chatty (For example: Kids did great last night, slept in their own beds all night, Sydney was missing mommy this morning but I got them both off to school without any tears! ), I texted him re. doing our taxes yesterday and he replied back, "Call me. I am going to Canada."

I was busy and didn't call so then he called and we talked for a few minutes about how we would arrange doing taxes and he mentioned a few other things. When he brought the kids back Saturday night he was chatty and telling me about the cattle sale, and how his friend/partner Doug was going bankrupt and was probably going to lose his cattle biz...this is who dan wanted to 'be' when he grew up so it hits him hard...

Anyway it is just weird. I don't know if he is more comfy because now he is in his own house or what. I haven't really changed my interactions with him at all, it seems the less I speak to him the more he speaks to me.

Then last night Sydney's preschool teacher came in to talk to me (it was conference night)...I was her last conference and I had no one coming in so we talked for like 40 minutes. I reviewed the basics (he was messing around, I caught him, we tried to reconcile a few times, he kept straying, the meddling MIL, etc). She said, "So do you think he is really "done done"? I told her I didn't really know bc he said he could never tell me he didn't love me and he could never say he didn't want me to be his wife.

But I also told her I didn't see a future with him, because I know the amount of effort and change it would take esp on his part, and I did not see him as capable...also that I didn't know how I would ever be able to relax when he was gone on trips or out with customers, knowing how easily he culd be lying and screwing around instead. You know, if we were out somehwere and I saw him across the room texting someone I would instantly be suspicious, etc.

I guess talking about it all last night has it on my mind again...