No worries Serenity. It is nice to hear from you. And good to hear you are doing well.
By the way, my W did appologize when she got home last night. She said she thought about it and could understand why I was upset. She questioned me about what my 'triggers' were in order for her to avoid them in the future. Of course, these are very hard to define, but I tried.
It seems that reconciliation is a slightly different animal than DB'ing. DB'ing is all about working on one's self. There is no relationship to work on because the partner does not share the same goal of salvaging the relationship. So the only thing to do is to make ourselves the best self we can be.
However, if our partner does sincerely change their mind on their goal for the relationship, it seems that we must shift focus slightly. Working on ourselves is still of upmost importance. However, we must also focus on what is good for the marriage.
For me, it is a balancing act. Keeping myself strong, independent and not needing anything from my W. But at the same time opening up, enjoying her presence, and leaning on her for support (financial, emotional, and physical). If I don't do those things, then the M brings me nothing. And if it continues, wouldn't I end up resenting the relationship for always taking and not giving. We don't just want to save our marriage, we want to save one we can both enjoy.
So far, so good. Yes, it is touchy. But I think our ability to recover from lapses is just as important (if not more) as avoiding the lapses all together.
On another note: we should complete cleaning out the final two closets tonight. House is being painted today. It should be on the market next week - keeping our fingers crossed.
