There is nothing unreasonable about expecting full and open disclosure in order for a marriage to recover from even a single isolated incident of infidelity, let alone a relationship that extended for months or years.
Normally I would agree that openness comes slowly, and I would normally understand a desire to not "pour salt into wounds."
In this case, your husband has no grounds to take this as his excuse, as it seems to me you have emphasized time and time again your need for the whole unfettered truth.
One can only conclude that either a) he is simply not listening or hearing what you are telling him over and over again, or b) he is unwilling to make the personal sacrifice of putting himself completely on the line with the truth.
Don't for one minute be convinced by anyone that you are the stumbling block. Your shortcomings in piecing this relationship back together have been laid bare on this forum. I would say that you have gone incredibly far beyond what most would do in order to facilitate your husband "easing" back in to this marriage.
Eventually actions must match words, or one can only be led to believe the words to be false or, at the least, disingenuous. While I agree that progress has been made with your husband, I will also submit that it has been only EASY progress.
What has he done to this point that TRULY cost him anything? What sacrifice has HE made (note - ACTION, not words) that indicates how strongly he wants this to be healed and last?
I'm not suggesting that it's time to throw in the towel. You and only you get to decide how and when to make those kinds of decisions. But I also will not agree with anyone who suggests that your husbands deficiencies are because of you.
That smacks WAY too much of making the left behind spouse the scapegoat for past, present, and future failings. It's ridiculous.
And finally, I will chime in with my agreement that his attempts to "turn" conversations back to YOUR failings come perilously close to mental/emotional abuse. Those types of responses are designed to shut you up and make YOU feel guilty, all the while deflecting any attempts to observe HIS actions.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
