K I am reading everything I just haven't found the right words yet...this is so frustrating for me I can only imagine how it must be for you...
Just last night someone asked me what I would do if exH ever wanted back...I said I really didn't know bc I would so want us to be able to be an "us" again, but I knew just how much work that would require from him, and I don't see that he is capable...but that is my issue not yours...
I just want for you to be able to shine again and be free to give and receive love with a full heart and no limits/roadblocks...