Oh DG yuck!!! I am totally dismayed by your H abandoning his responsibility as a father . I would phone the mortgage company or bank and ask if you can arrange to make the mortgage payment in a different way. They must encounter situations like this. If you can do anything to redirect money that you are entitled to so that he doesn't have access to it, I suggest you do that right away. Definitely see a L. It sounds like you're sending a clear and strong message via your SIL. Good for you and stay strong (((DG))) .
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
The problem is, my mom and H's name is on the mortgages, not mine (I wasn't working at the time they were applied for). So in order to make any changes to the payment arrangements, BOTH signatures are needed. Same with hydro. That is the ONLY reason those bills are coming out of the joint account. I can't even call and talk to them without my mom right beside me to give the okay or talk to them for me.
~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~
My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
I agree with Flowmom--try appealing to the bank to see if you can make the account a mortgage-only one. (Wouldn't it be possible to pay the hydro another way?) I don't think emailing your H is a good idea--it will just allow him to paint you as controlling in his mind, and when he knows he's upsetting you, it'll probably make him more determined to "get" you through that account.
Don't give up hope on him--people who have not dealt with an MLCer have NO idea how depression can make them into the Incredible Hulk version of themselves. But, at the same time, take care of yourself and live your life as though he wasn't coming back. I'm glad to see you're making the most of this awful time in what you've learned about yourself and about healthy relationships. Way to go, DiamondGirl!
I just saw your previous note--are you sure about Hydro? I've paid my dad's from my account while he was away on holiday, and the bank (and hydro) didn't care.
It's a pre-authorized payment so that I pay a set amount each month (equal billing) and the credit is applied once every quarter or so - this makes it easier for me to budget. If I pay ahead of time through another means, then I don't know if I'll end up double paying....
~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~
My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
I'm sorry GD, I know how stressed you must be. Horrible money situation on the top of everything else.
I don't know your H's state of mind. If this was happening with my H, I would e-mail him and tell him: "Just keeping you informed; this is the amount in the account .....and these are the pre-authorized payments that are coming out today". That way he is pre-warned. Would he take money out even if he knew that payments would bounce? If you think he would, you need to go to the bank and tell them your situation, maybe they can hold the funds somehow.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
He knew full well that I left the money he tried to take out for the upcoming mortgage payment and Hydro tomorrow... He felt he was "entitled" to it because it is still in his name (as father to the child on disability and the only one working 10 years ago when it was originally applied for).. (my app to take over the benefit is being processed so the next payment should be deposited into my personal account)
Also, he feels because he gave me so much guilt money to make it easier when he first left, he can take back $$ at will since he "overpaid child support".
I never, ever in my life thought I'd see the day that my H who used to snarl when he heard of men pulling this crap would be one of them!!!
H and OW are cracking so he must feel a strong urge to see her in person because he always comes back more determined than ever to D me after he does...
I wish he would just go there already and stay away long enough to hit bottom.. which I'm wondering if he actually will now..
~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~
My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
Hold on to your strength DG, what you are going through now is maddening. Hopefully he is getting closer to imploding. Patience....observe....Time is on your side. Take a deep breath...you can deal with the money somehow, I know you can
((((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
. I would phone the mortgage company or bank and ask if you can arrange to make the mortgage payment in a different way. They must encounter situations like this. If you can do anything to redirect money that you are entitled to so that he doesn't have access to it, I suggest you do that right away. Definitely see a L. It sounds like you're sending a clear and strong message via your SIL. Good for you and stay strong (((DG))) .
