What a tough place to be, but you've managed to look at things today without losing sense of you.
I can't imagine how hard things are, but I know that you are strong enough to take the roughest wave dealt to you so far~
Ideas: - Tell him that you have too much hope to sign it. You'll sign it under the condition he agrees to either Retrouvialle (just one weekend, you don't have to do the post sessions) or MC
- Sign it. Move on. Accept in your heart that you will likely see him or hear from him and he'll be a friend. Know that a D will mean more hard days, but they will pass.
- Don't worry about what he might do if you do. Consider it breifly, but he's no longer just separated and in love. He's separated and loves you but isn't committed to your M.
- IF you take the route of not giving up yet, then keep your behaviours positive. Maybe re-read DB to remind you that anything is possible, even at this stage, if YOU want it.
- Pray. Remember God gives you tests, but it is up to you to pass them, and retake the test as many times as needed. There is no full failure in these tests. Divorce is a thing sometimes needed. Forgive you, too. I'm worried in the place you're at you might be thinking "if I had". There's an Islamic phrase that says "if I had" opens the door to the devil.
- Just because he believes it doesn't mean he'll always believe it. Ask him why he wants a separation agreement if your state doesn't need one for a divorce. Is he asking for a year to move as a single person and improve himself or is he asking for closure while a D isn't possible. He might not know the answer to this question, but I think it is worth asking.
- Showing you love him isn't signing papers. I know that there's the phrase, "if you love it, let it go". That means to me don't be possessive. It doesn't mean give up.
- Give up if you want or need to. It is a failure, but you didn't cause it - a M is a two way street full of potholes and in your case, a partial "pothead"! If you really don't want to do this anymore, you do have a choice.
- Don't rush. Take as long as you need. This is your M and the man that you love. He is hurt. You are hurt.
I wanted to add one last thing. I told you how I thought he needed your support and to know that you don't see him as a failure. It sounded like you did that. If he's depressed or, like me sometimes, overwhelmed by responsibilities, even he might not see what he really needs but be looking for that fast route out. Giving it to him is a choice you have.
It is your choice.
Try to look outside and enjoy the beauty of the worst weather. The biggest clouds can destroy, but they also bring new hopes and life to things that had died.
