he was more than a "friend". I stopped spying on her after I heard they had sex so I have no idea if anything is still going on. From what I've learned she is "over" him. I'm no fool. Things could change.
When I exposed the A to OMSTBXW I think they stopped all EA/PA contact. All three of them work at the same place. W will be going to nights in two weeks, so she will not see OM at work.
I can read her quite well. When she shows me this much attention it's because she not getting it from any one else.
I'm doing my best to stay emotionally detached when it comes to sex. How do I convey this is not the kind of relationship I want?
You tell her this isn't the kind of relationship you want. She either steps up to the plate and becomes part of a new relationship between the two of you or she leaves because she doesn't want that. If she just wants sex you have to decide whether that's good enough for you, we can't decide that for you, if sex is all you need right now, stick with it if the sex is good, if you really want a relationship and she doesn't and she won't change, you have to decide when enough is enough and move on to a new relationship with someone new.
I think I used that exact statement at the beginning of this whole sh*t storm.
I told myself I was done the last time. Then I started reading and understanding how and why we do the things we do. I want my M to work. I love my family and will not give it up.
That being said, if she cheats again (if I find out), I will know I am done. For my son and myself, I will not let her continue to do this to us.
yes rob great advice. thanks. Straight to the point.
I will see how things play out this week. I have to be very careful. She has a lot on her plate. If I'm too pushy she will crawl back in her cave.
Yesterday she got upset when some sexting went the three some route. I hurt her feelings. She took my fantasy of two women as her not being good enough in the sack. She is very insecure, as am I, but you know how women can be:)
the topic of conversation went there. In hind site it was dumb. She had been getting pretty graphic and telling me some outrageous fantasies of her own. She asked me for one and I came up with that.
W still makes first contact, a lot of it. I've had to up my text message limit to cover the hundreds we've sent. No R/D talk. However she does drop subtle hints during small talk. She texts goodnight every night. She wants to know how I'm doing everyday. She calls, texts, emails just to say hi.
LOTS of sex, sexting, flirting. If it wasn't for our living conditions and pending divorce I would say we are doing better than we have been in the last six months. Even S8 commented to me after lunch the three of had on Friday how he thought W and I were getting along so much better. I thanked him for noticing. She even held my hand under the table.
FIL asked through W if I would like to come to Easter dinner. It would be just the four of us. I went, it was nice.
W started to talk about her work schedule and what she thought we would do with S8 while we were eating. I asked if it could wait until after. I didn't want to discuss our business in front of FIL or S8.
We sat down together after, she told me what "her" plan was. it was all crap. She want's to bounce S8 around all week, so I said no. He will stay with me all week. He needs some structure. We agreed on a schedule I got up and walked away. She could tell I was little put off by the conversation. She stayed on the porch for a while and S8 noticed she was crying and asked me why. I told him I didn't know and left out her there to cry.
FIL is gone again this weekend so I will have S8 all weekend too. During the course of the evening W said she would stop over tonight to see him. She also said she wants to stay overnight at our(my) house again this weekend. I was caught off guard and said okay.
She later sent me a text stating the fact she never even asked if it was okay if she stayed. I didn't reply for a couple of hours. When I did I said your right you didn't. I figure that leaves me an opening to say change plans later if need be.
I'm spending a lot of money on GIL. I may have to take a break. My liver would like that too.
W starts evenings in a few days, I expect to see something change.
the topic of conversation went there. In hind site it was dumb. She had been getting pretty graphic and telling me some outrageous fantasies of her own. She asked me for one and I came up with that.
you know what, don't apologize for the fantasy, you're being honest, it's just a fantasy, if she can fantasize, you are allowed to as well, view it as a test, especially in your situation where she is messing around with another man, that's some crazy double standard, think about it, she's allowed to be with another man but you aren't allowed to fantasize about a threesome - seriously, it's ok to be honest and fantasizing isn't a bad thing, don't get fooled into the trap of believing that your fantasy is wrong, there's nothing wrong it, seriously nothing wrong with that fantasy at all.
Let's be real about this, your wife is practically having a threesome, she has you and the other guy, that's 3 people to me.
Stick to your guns, there's nothing wrong with your fantasy, don't let anyone tell you different. She's not worried about your insecurities while being with another guy.
Last night W went out her girlfriends. She called later asking if I would be up for a booty call. Afterwards I walked her to the door, she says this may be a bad time but, have you gotten the papers yet. They said they would deliver them this week. WTF. Ya bad timing. I calmly said no, ya bad timing. Goodnight.
After she left sent a text "can't do this any more" I asked do what. She called.
We talked for a few minutes. She asked what I thought "this" was. I told her this is a relationship of more than sex. There is reason you call, text, want to see, and email me all the time. She said we getting along when we don't live together. I said we get along because we "get along". I can't remember everything. I told her she needs to figure out what she wants. I can't tell you. I don't want to influence your decision. If you are even the littlest apprehensive give our marriage another look. Or something to that affect.
She said it's complicated.
She couldn't even say divorce she called it the D word.
Papers delivered today at work. Life is great. Oh and she's staying over this weekend. I may have to change that.
