Ok I need people to chime in here. My best friends are giving me sh*t about going to the owh. What do you guys think? Is it at all wrong to go to him?
Does it make me look dumb?
Does it benefit me in any way?
Please...I need some input before I go through with this.
I know NOTHING about this kind of thing. But I have some general stuff to offer- First of all, you can go to him at anytime... but you can't take it back once you do- so that's something to consider. You can take a little time if you want. I'm not sure how it benefits you, truly. It probably would feel good momentarily to feel like someone is on your side or in your same boat (That's IF he even believes/ acknowledges what's going on- he might not, which might feel worse). But later? I don't know if it would really help you out past that short term feeling.
What exactly is your friend saying to you, I'm just curious?
Does it make you look dumb? To whom? Do you care? Honestly, if it were me, I'd be tempted to contact him, too, but it would be more for that short term satisfying feeling of getting back at him by exposing it. I don't know that it would help in the long run. Sorry I don't have more specific advice, but I know there are folks on here who know a lot about this. In the meantime, (((luv)))
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I would not expose until you have consulted with an attny.
I realize your state is different than mine but IMO you need to be educated and 110% clear about every angle of divorce in your state before you do anything.
Wish I was there... I would take you to the attny myself!
Dudess - they believe it doesn't accomplish anything makes me look like the bitter wife. I do have good evidence that there is an affair going on. I have consulted with some atty's yes. My ducks are sitting in a row.
CG - I have been doing my homework. The affair has no bearing on a D here in CA. I love that you said you'd take me to the atty yourself. What a friend! (((((cg))))))
Thank you guys.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Dudess - they believe it doesn't accomplish anything makes me look like the bitter wife.
What utter nonsense. I suppose that your friends would not want to be informed if their spouse was cheating on them? I would want to know, and I think you are doing the right thing by telling her husband. Are marriage vows so utterly unimportant to people nowadays?
That said, it is important, for your own well-being that you heal your (very understandable), resentment towards your H. Have you read Steven Stosny, "Love without Hurt"? I highly recommend it.
Gucci is right, that so many men don't wake up until their wives leave. Those are the men we hear from though. We don't hear from those who aren't interested in saving their marriages. Either way, I do believe that you are doing the right thing by leaving a situation where you don't get the love and respect that you deserve. I know it hurts. You have the power to end the hurt by grieving your losses and moving on to better things. I wish you all the happiness you deserve, with or without him.
Thank you for that. I know I deserve better. I always thought my H was good to me but now I am questioning everything
I had a long talk with a girlfriend last night who thought my H was a cocky s.o.b. I thought to myself...maybe I have been making excuses for him this whole time? I thought he was good to me..he did everything for me. I didn't realize how much I loved him until now when I have to let him go. I wonder if it's the loss or are my love feelings real? Throughout my M I carried a lot of resentment towards him for his lies so it did not allow me to be as open to him as I should have. I have learned a huge lesson here.
My stbXh comes home today. I have anxiety over it. I still hope that everyone who stops by gives me their opinion on telling the owh though.
I've got two appts with atty's today. It will be an emotionally draining day for me but I keep praying. Thanks for listening guys.
Luv
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Take each appt. one step at a time. I know how overwhelming and scary it can be to meet with attny's but it will be okay. All you are doing is gathering information.
It is okay to ask as many questions as you need to and if you don't understand ask for clarification. Think of it as an informational meeting that will empower you!
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
