well, one thing that the coaching session did for me yesterday is remind me of the positive approach I should be taking. I looked back at my old threads from last time and realized that one thing I am missing is that I used to post babysteps, goals, and keep a PMA. I was very positive and it made me feel positive and I subsequently was SURE we'd stay together.
This time I've been desperate thinking that because he introduced her to our friends, that it's very close to the end. Instead, I'm just seeing this now as the next stage of his A. Maybe he just feels that desperate or like I'm that ready to D him. He's scared and I need to see that and react accordingly.
So, today I will post goals. I will post my babysteps now, as small as they may seem.
1. DH slept with me instead of her on Monday 2. In the am he was petting the dog on the bed and "flopped" onto me with the dog twice. He didn't pull away when his body touched mine. 3. Monday night was the first time that he let himself "touch" me during the night (for the past few weeks, the second any part of our bodies touch, he pulls away and scoots his body to get as far away as possible. 4. We had a nice time at family night last night. DH has been having transmission troubles and it's been in the shop three times already, but he got us home safe and I made sure to show my appreciation. 5. Last night he was so close to me I almost thought he was going to throw an arm over me.
Pass,
I think a PMA is good -- and important -- but I think your goals/"babysteps" are WAY too focused on your H. At this stage, your goals should be GAL goals, and focused on YOU.
Basic goal-setting stuff: goals should be realistic, attainable, challenging, and measurable. You can't control what OTHERS do, so goals should be about your OWN behavior, attitudes, achievements, etc.
I know this flies in the face of how MWD teaches "goals" and "babysteps," but that's just my opinion. How in the world can you try to encourage detachment and ending co-dependency/enmeshment, while encouraging people to set goals like "H will not pull away when I touch him in bed," or "W will take my calls when I call her," etc.???
