I don't know if she's reading my emails. I've never honestly emailed anyone anything about this sitch. I haven't told a single person.
She may have looked in by getting my password but she wouldn't have found anything as I said no one knows on my end but me.
It's worth a shot.
I'm wondering about DBing. Should I still be trying or is it on hold until this A is busted. We are really distant now and say almost nothing to one another.
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
Okay, not sure what it will do if anything but I created an id for a friend and emailed the suggested email. I didn't want to actually let anyone know yet.
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
Okay, not sure what it will do if anything but I created an id for a friend and emailed the suggested email. I didn't want to actually let anyone know yet.
That's what I was suggesting -- didn't have to be a real person, BWP, that's up to you.
Yes, this is a long pass, but I think you're at that stage. I'm sure others will chime in lamenting the "game-playing," but let's face it, a certain amount of "game-playing" is at the core of all male-female interaction anyway! Add in the fact that you're fighting for your marriage, and is this REALLY any different than "looking good and smelling good" and heading to a bookstore, and letting them think you've got a date???
I'm wondering about DBing. Should I still be trying or is it on hold until this A is busted. We are really distant now and say almost nothing to one another.
I don't believe you CAN effectively DB until the affair is busted. When the cheating spouse's brain is all awash in PEAs, they're going to be almost entirely closed off to you emotionally anyway. You can do the requisite "GAL" stuff, but that's mostly for YOU.
Sorry, but I'm not much of a fan of the "While They Wait"/"Little Bo-Peep" method, as you can tell.
I don't have a problem with 'game playing' in this context. It's like saying it's wrong to lie to a kidnapper about where your children are. I am protecting my family.
W is acting nice, has not used my computer at all since Monday
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
Okay it is clear that finding that recorder has created even more secrecy. I've checked the emails and there is nothing sent or read since the weekend.
W has been home earlier than normal from the gym. Wanted me to stay with D tonight to go shopping then switched to take D to MIL.
I think this is all slipping away from me. I've gone mostly dark and now we barely speak. No one is mean or angry. It just feels like I'll never make any progress.
My IC wants me to consider what if my W keeps this relationship separate to fill a need she has for counsel and support and what if she has no other feelings.
I know I'm just venting right now but I don't know what else to do. I just feel my R slipping away from me and I feel like I have no plan in place.
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
Just know what you want and what your legal options are...the rest is about keeping yourself PMA and properly informed...you cannot control what W does, but you sure as hell can control you and your responses...
I'll tell you after blowing the hell out of my own sitch it all looks and sounds pretty easy...I know it's not but you have to believe in that...again, act like you're acting out someone elses sitch...
Jasper, I hear you but I'm really treading water here. Reading all I can on these situations.
I went out tonight and grabbed a coffee just trying to GAL. I was reading about how women are better at picking up on queues and I think W is on to my intel gathering.
Then I read that without solid intel there's no point in exposing the A. I just feel trapped in no man's land...thanks for talking me down.
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
Then I read that without solid intel there's no point in exposing the A. I just feel trapped in no man's land...thanks for talking me down.
Not really accurate.
Without good intel, you still have two viable options:
1) Expose by bluffing: "I know all about you and so-and-so, and this isn't working for me. I won't live in an open marriage." Remember, she STILL doesn't know what you know, and what you DON'T know, and her finding your voice recorder makes HER incredibly nervous (even paranoid) about what you already have -- not the other way around! YOU know that she found it right away, but how does SHE know that? How does she know you don't have three weeks' worth of damning recordings already, safely offloaded to a CD somewhere and put away safe? How does SHE know that you don't have PI intel on her? Pictures? Etc.??
She doesn't.
2) You can just ASSUME she is cheating on you, and act accordingly.
I'm as pro-intel as anybody, but your hand is FAR from empty if you don't have it. I think you pretty much know what's going on here . . . don't you?
I go back to what I told you the other day, that went uncommented on here: If she's NOT cheating on you, what was she doing checking her car for listening devices???
