W officially in R w/ OM-

[ericmsant2]

Jasper

NC 8 days- W called yesterday morning, did not answer nor return...no message left.

This is good. Remember you are distanting to protect YOU. Right now you need to just focus on living for YOU.

Not really GALing that much during the week.

What no movies Everytime I check your thread your going to movies Just kidding buddy...just kidding...

Have been saying prayers for a wayward spouse

Keep doing that buddy and as a matter a fact throw one out for me. Trust me I need it.

My sitch has been so dramatic, I doubt it will stop here- last thing I would need is an OW,

Yep I think you do not need that right now.

perhaps wishful thinking

Or you could call this HOPE. You should always have hope just remember that you do not control what someone else feels or does but you can control how you deal with it. Personally, I think you should keep having hope - hey ya never know.

but I know W is having all her needs met by OM- I suppose most of her needs have been met by OM1 or OM2 for the last 6 months.

Please try to stop thinking about this. You are only hurting yourself. Take the energy applied to these thoughts and think about those long term goals. Maybe a few of them should be....

1) Learn to wake up and not think about her.
2) form one new friendship
3) Get in the habit of saying one positive thing to someone every day

W justified her A

People always justify thier actions - as long as you are true to yourself you will be fine. Ignore her justifications, realize that she is going to continue to do this until she looks at herself and only she can do that. As you know that is why you detach - cause you cannot make her do something that she does not want to do...but you can continue to look at yourself and make those changes in you that you would like to see. For example...I was a jealous latin guy - one of my changes is to look at WHY I was jealous and then deal with. It is a process buddy but I do believe what everyone says to us..we will be BETTER men because of this. Just know that.

I wonder if I am still delusional.

Your not delusional. You love this women and you are now realizing where you are. This is normal. You are probably going thru a host of emotions (I know I am)...do not run from them but at the same token do not project your anger at her...feel the feeling that you have...learn from them...let them make you better...let them show you who YOU are. Ya know, I can see in your post just how much you love this women - take some pride in that buddy. You are a stand up guy.

I look back and our R was very boring b/c we were sober for so long...I wouldn't say we were rigid but we def. had inhibitions...I think back to the first night W drank- what if I had also...my lowered inihibitions would have allowed me to relate honestly w/ her- we would have been more fluid together...

But is that the person that you wanted to be? Is that really the person that you want to be with. You know sometime we need to look at why we are standing - why we are willing to change everything about ourself to keep someone. Is this fear? Is this some form of insecurity in you? Or could it be unconditional love? Who knows - but IMO if you search deep inside yourself you will find the answer.

Our sex would have been much better had we both been drinking

Sorry dude but I totally disagree. My best friend is divorced partly because his W was an alcholic. The only time that they had sex was when both were hammered. Is this what you want? I would gather that what you really wanted was a partner that respected you and that you respected...one that would be open and honest with you about how they felt...one that connected with you on an emotional, physical and spiritual level. The booze would have only masked the true issue at hand. So maybe if you really keep looking at yourself and becoming the man that you really want to be, your W or someone else for the matter will be the connection that you want.

How can she ever compare our R to her current lifestyle?

She can't compare the two - what make the club hoping and drinking better? You know I've felt this myself...how can my W really compare our M to the new R with OM? We'll the reality is that I (or maybe that is "we" as in me and you) must find our own happiness and not rely on someone else to provide this. Maybe our happiness does not lie in a bar...maybe our happiness is something else that we need to find. I bet, if we really look at ourselves we will find that happiness and that happiness will ooze from our bodies and attract what we really need. Just a thought....just a thought...

Just another example of a LBS picking apart the M looking for answers and what-ifs...STOP

yes please stop.

Finally, let's pray for each other (add Wild and others on this board to the mix). You are good guy Jasper. Know this. Know that this will pass, know that you will survive know that the time you have right now is for you. Know that this time is priceless.

God Bless,
Eric