Thank you for both or your posts I really need the boost. I ask God every night to have me love her through him. I do not want a divorce. I want to be able to say that I have tried everything in order to keep us together. It is impossible for us to have no contact but I know that I can do other things in order to work on myself.
It is crazy because last night we were all eating dinner. I've started to cook more because I want my kids and I to eat together and not in front of a tv. I've started to set the table for four, and if my W wants to eat with us she can but if she doesn't she doesn't. Anyways, after dinner and then watching the kids play outside for a while my W says she is going to leave, I say ok have a good night. We hug and then she backs away and says I love you, with no hesitation or anything. To me it was like getting hit with cold water. I backed away a bit futher and asked but do you mean it like I mean it. She says in a whisper that it slipped.....WTF? I didn't know what to do. I feel like I should have just said it back but I know that if I did it would have just hurt me. I'm trying to take it slowly. I don't know if this is a good sign or if she was just testing me. I don't want to read into it .
On the awesome side my kids started swimming lessons and I think I'll have two little fishes on my hands. Which is cool because I'm going to have them out at a pool this entire summer.
My PMA is doing good. I'm not pushing and I'll just have to continue to keep going along the lines of detaching. I would like to know what it is like when i can go out with my kids or myself and not think about her at all. I really just want to be happy.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
