Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

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Virginia:

Remember, economics is a manmade invention created to make weather forecasters look good. And economics can only seem to explain tomorrow, why the thing you predicted yesterday did not happen today.
(Cue the snare shot)

While language can give one a sense of either scarcity or abundance, it must originate from a source based in some reality.

I ran some numbers on the frequency of sexual intimacy in my two relationships that resulted in marriage. With my first love, from the time we became sexually intimate to the last time nearly 11 years later, I estimate that we made love about 1435 times. The initial 6 weeks were probably the most intense at more than 120 times as there was honestly not a single day where we weren't M/L at least twice per day (and 4-6 times on weekends). We were young (20) in summer school on the university campus and just wanted to lose ourselves in each other.

It was a "conversation" for abundance to be sure (even though we wanted each other all the time) and in the first year I conservatively estimate that we made love at least 320 times or nearly once every day. The next year we spent 3 months apart and we hit a bit if a rocky patch as I approached graduation, but after that 4-5 times per week was not unusual (including 2-3 times on the weekends). Even after she became pregnant in our seventh year, the lovemaking was even more intense and just about as frequent.

There was "abundance" and it was based in a reality. Neither of us had a conversation about sexual scarcity. Then, in the 8th year (I'm counting from July to July) there was fairly frequent lovemaking until just before our son was born (~20 times in 8 weeks). Then in the next 3.75 years it was 16 times.

A very dramatic difference. Now, it could be argued that over the 11 year span the average of 135 times per year or about 11 times per month should be considered "abundant."

Do you think the last 3.5 years of the marriage qualifies as "abundant." and that I had unreasonable expectations given what the experience was prior to this?

At the time, this dramatic difference was one the reasons for why my wife justified having an affair. She knew that the difference was so great before and after our son's birth that she preemptively took on someone else that did not have our past history because she was afraid I leave and find someone because of the difference. (Please note there was no "threat of leaving" given on my part).


How about my second love?

In the first year, once we got going, I estimate that we M/L about 200 times. This is based on 2-4 times on weekends, and maybe once in the middle of the week since we lived 40 miles apart. So, it was typically Friday night, once or twice on Saturday (morning and evening) and Sunday morning before the kids were up and before I had to take my son back to my ex-wife was really quite typical. But it started to fall off to maybe 3 times per week, then 2. By the time we got married it was down to twice per month where it stayed for about another year and then dropped to once per month.

And it continued dropping to the point where each time was separated by months. By the time we reached the "last time," 13 years ago it was once about every 8 months.

In total, over that 11 year span, I estimate we M/L about 650 times. Comparitively speaking, much less than with my ex-wife, though I never compared the two directly on quantity. On the quality of lovemaking, both were good AND they had their individual strengths and preferences. But the "abundance" argument can't hold even if the quality is wonderful if you take the frequency down to "zero."

Over that 11 years, that is an average of 59 times per year (or just over once per week). Over the entire 24 year span of this second love/marriage, that average drops to 29 times per year because 13 years of "zero" signifcantly drops the average.

Now, if I take the total number of times I've made love over the span from the first time I made love at the age of 20 to today you'd come up with an average of 58 times/yr or better than once per week. Framed that way, an economics way of averaging, I could make the argument that does not represent scarcity but is actually abundance.

The problem is that argument falls in the context of using a long-term average in place of short-term and mid-term averages.

There are clearly some areas where something being present (money, sexual intimacy) can raise the question "how much is 'enough' when that complaint is present?" But one cannot consider water abundant in a desert where none is present.

Besides, there is nothing "wrong" in reporting on what is actually present without making a judgement as to whether it is scarce or abundant.

The Captain