Oh, bad morning, woke up with that inexorable feeling of dread again.
Dreamt about all the in-laws last night, about trying to reconcile with H and then hanging out with them, and it was awkward and uncomfortable. Knowing now some of the lies he had said to them, and the way they had just gone away on me after decades in their family.
Like my mind was trying to say goodbye, but my heart still hurts.
H comes to visit the kids tonight, don't want to see him, do want to see him.
Have to do NC, understand logically why (sort of, my heart would rather beg but that won't work), but just don't want to.
