I decided to just keep this thread going until they have me shut it down...
NC 8 days- W called yesterday morning, did not answer nor return...no message left.
Not really GALing that much during the week...taking my dog to the canal and reading mostly.
Have been saying prayers for a wayward spouse...Hosea's prayer. I figure praying and going about my life are all I can do while in NC.
No sign of W having filed yet, nor have I- nor am I inclinded to do so at this point in time.
Trying to figure out some long term goals not related to my sitch, still looking for a roomate to help at the house...considered a girl from home who wants to move here...but I want the D to be well in route or finalized before I consider walking that tightrope (percieved OW).
My sitch has been so dramatic, I doubt it will stop here- last thing I would need is an OW, and possibly have W come around out of her fog...perhaps wishful thinking...
NC feels pretty good, but I know W is having all her needs met by OM- I suppose most of her needs have been met by OM1 or OM2 for the last 6 months.
Funny a few weeks back W justified her A w/ "my needs haven't been met in a long time..."
Well- I am meeting my needs, and those I cannot meet are just going unmet for the time being...no need to run outside the M (for now)
I know it says no matter how hopeless it seems, not to give up...I am not clinging on to hope- but I believe so much in M and in this M and in my love for W...I wonder if I am still delusional...but it feel authentic.
I look back and our R was very boring b/c we were sober for so long...I wouldn't say we were rigid but we def. had inhibitions...I think back to the first night W drank- what if I had also...my lowered inihibitions would have allowed me to relate honestly w/ her- we would have been more fluid together...
How can she ever compare our R to her current lifestyle? Exotic, late hours, bars, clubs, drunken passionate sex, etc?
Our sex would have been much better had we both been drinking...I know we would have laughed more, not been so serious about things all the time...
Just another example of a LBS picking apart the M looking for answers and what-ifs...STOP
I am happy living the way I do, and I dont need alcohol to relate to anyone better...if W needed alcohol to feel more comfortable and to lower her inhibitions to where she can laugh and have fun, then there is something wrong deep w/in her.
