Hey Maria, how is your daughter now? Has H contacted you after your talk last night?? (nice that you bought him a gift btw! Shame you threw it at him, lol!!)
she is still sick. she was throwing up and H didnt even hear her this morning, he was so tired from last night...
I see others voice something I was thinking.. there seems to be a sense of self sabotage/confusion here and as a Piscean, its very hard to explain, but I know I have been guilty of seeming and acting 'in' (even to myself!) when in reality, part of me and my soul was 'out'. Its a subtle subconcious thing - Nope. That's not the case anymore. I am putting myself out there again. I am investing in this damn man, I am fighting against my instict, my hurt, my humilliation. I DO NOT accept I am sabotaging things, I may have taken the whole thing harder than some of you would, but this is a family broken in pieces and a 3 yr long affair we are talking about... I cant be any more gracious than I am
You keep saying its him, he is not doing enough/isnt proving he loves you, showing he loves you.. but you just sound.. ambivalent all the time, in two minds?? You rarely express how happy and grateful you feel after all your efforts, that you GOT WHAT YOU WANTED - your H back! Got him back? Are you serious? No, that IS the problem. I havent gotten him back. We are still apart in all levels most of the time, how can I be happy about all the damage that has been done that I didnt know about?
..you dont seem to be able to let go of the past, the past hurt, the past humiliation, the past H.. you are framing that hurt and humiliaton as though it is the PRESENT and maybe thats what your H finds confusing? It is something I have tried so hard to explain. It is MY NEED to put the past behind. NOT hide it. See? I didnt go looking for it yesterday and at the end of the day, I had info HE should have given me so that I WOULDNT feel humiliated again...
Of course SIL may have spoken to Christina, he is her brother and families stick together right? He had left you and the R and had started an R with her, so its not that surprising she would have some contact with her. Yes its hurtful and disloyal to you, but it doesnt make her immoral. Its also not surprising he didnt tell you - he doesnt see the point in "adding insult to injury" and I dont blame him and probably would do the same in his shoes. You are back together, in his mind, so what if his sister spoke to her back then? Maybe she was curious? Nosey? Just wanted to maintain an R with her brother? You are kidding right? I dont care why she did it and how. I do care that I see all this as sick and disgusting. I do feel humiliated she came to my house on Thursday, knowing now she THOUGHT she was fooling me...
So H didnt tell you, but from what I see...he just wants to let it go Maria. Easier said than done hey? Fine, lets talk then and let it go
So perhaps you should call it a day, OR, go back for MC/IC to sort your issues out safely. I also think, he is telling you why he cant ML, because he is wounded and embarressed and your R feels tarnished.. NOT becuase he rejects you or doesnt fancy you. Maybe (if you two are still together today!!) really work on bridging the gap between you.. loving hugs... affection, closeness, touches, compassion and kindness toward one another, rather than focus on actual sex?? Or.. maybe you are done.. F@ck him. At this point I wouldnt make love to him either. He is not honest with me, enough...
Sounds like HE needs reassurance..he is telling you that and so did that letter he wrote you..that his self esteem is in tatters. Its probably why he grasps onto his job/career like a drowning man. He can always go back to her for reassurance. He is free to go
You said to him you wish you could both talk and be heard.. sounds like you are both so hurt and wounded and need something from the other person, that you are not able to hear what the other is actually saying! Alison, I am tender, loving, upbeat, include him in my plans and life in general, told him I wish we could try to make love, I have been honest, understanding, I dont BLAME (much-like last night my words probaly were accusatory but how else can I say, I wish you would have told me and not sound like accusing him of lying again?), I try to make him feel welcome, buy him presents, caress him, listen to his work issues etc etc. He doesnt say what he wants. I have stated what I need. I am working on myself. He stil hasent found the time to read the LL book which he promised to me he would. How about that on commitement on our M?
Thanks, I dont agree with you much. And btw, last night and today, he hasnt said anything, hasnt called and I dont think he will. It's his favorite way of dealing with things...
