A colleague asked me if STBX has a substance-abuse problem today. I'd never thought of thinking that. But a fella he knew with a Wayward Walkaway Wife who cycled the same way STBX does later discovered that his Former was a raging, but closeted, alcoholic. Hmmm.
I mean, it gets bad around these travel times of hers.
I had to kick her a** a couple times in the past 48. First, even in the wake of the 7 insane phone calls, she launched her usual e-mail fleet -- complaining this time, if you can credit it, for my "total unwillingness to communicate."
Button, consider yourself pushed. So I wrote:
You complain that I'm "non-communicative" and that "all of this" could be "taken care of so easily just by talking" instead of my "stupid" insistence on using e-mail. You might be correct -- at some future date.
I can assure you, however, that will not happen, ever, until the personal attacks stop -- and stop completely. Not some of them -- all of them.
You try to dismiss this as just "letting off steam" -- "haven't you ever said things when you're angry?" you asked. Yes; yes, indeed I have, but I work -- and work hard -- at getting the upper hand on that every single day. Forgive my saying so, but from my POV you don't appear to work on it at all.
You have contempt for me -- I get it. You've said so on a number of occasions, and I've heard you. But keep your contempt to yourself.
What the constant jabs and insults and attacks accomplish is to so completely poison the interaction that the likelihood I will ever want to interact with you on any level in the future is approaching zero.
But if you actually do want to interact with me on some level in the physical, as opposed to the electronic, world then you should be absolutely clear on this point:
That will not happen, and it will not happen on your terms, as long as your terms are that you continue to lash out at me at will.
A psychologist named Schnarch wrote something I've taken as a little Life Rule: You don't have to believe anything until you experience it.
Those are my terms. When and if I have experienced your sincere desire to interact in a more human -- and more humane -- way, I'll believe it. Until then I will continue to believe what I have experienced -- that you regard me as little more than an enemy -- and I will communicate accordingly.
She whined in reply, "I don't see how you can ask me not to attack you when you're attacking me. I just think you can't get over the fact that I'm with lots of other men now and that I just love slutting around. Well no one tells me what to do -- I do what I want."
So after I did the Tex Avery spit-take again -- and re-read my note to be sure I hadn't accidentally written "I can't get over the fact that you're with lots of other men now and just love slutting around" -- I kicked a little more a** and a little harder. I really ought to get a tattoo that reads, "Born for Schadenfreude." I know I shouldn't have done, but f*ck it -- what's she going to do, divorce me?
Well I'm happy to apologize for creating the impression you were being attacked. I have nothing to attack you for.
Really, all I feel for you is pity. You're a cheater and a liar, and as you said so often, once a cheater, always a cheater. All of the men who you slut around with are going to know you're a cheater and a liar and so none of them will ever fully trust you.
At some point you'll want a relationship, and because you're a cheater and liar, you know better than anyone how easy it is to deceive someone who cares about you -- and so you will never be able to trust any man you're involved with, because you'll never be able to say with confidence that he isn't deceiving you. You've demonstrated just how easy it is to get away with it. So every relationship you ever have for the rest of your life is going to be under a cloud of distrust and uncertainty.
And I just find that pitiable. It really does suck to be you.
And how did she respond? She cycled right back into the manic, "polite," "positive" STBXMRSSP.
