She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[MrBond]

There's always someone online to help.

[tbart01]

Thank you MrBond, that's why I come here. Sometimes we impatiently need answers before we can get them. However, I've learned to wait until I hear back before i do or say something wrong.

[peace2u]

You guys need to stay up 24/7 so I have you guys when I need you....lol. Seriously though I post something before I go to bed (daytime in the states), and I wake up hoping to find a reply. That's cool, I just get lonely.......kidding

I remember in the deep deep depths of my turmoil - I swear I hit the refresh button on this page a million times a day waiting for a response from someone.

About your W reading the DR book. I actually asked my H to read the book and he says he did..and look where that got me.

NO expectations..expect nothing and go with the flow, and stay in the present moment. It's hard to learn. It takes practice.

[tbart01]

I find myself on this page all the time these days. I wouldn't have really left DR for the wife to find, but when I re-read it I just wish she could read the first few chapters, i would never ask her to read the book, because it's for me. I can't let her in on all my DB secrets.

I would like to say I have no expectations, but obviously there are some. I know once I get home I will be able to quickly read the reality of the sitch, and move from there.

My hopes aren't up, but they're also not down. I have to keep some hope until I know all hope is gone. Don't misunderstand me, I'm also very realistic. I'm just not feeling as down and out as I once was. I just can't let myself get like that again.

In 10 days I'll be reunited with the two most important girls in my life. That's why I have to remain strong. That will make me feel a million times better. When I'm with them I'll feel invincible. They're what my life has been all about.

I just signed up for a 5 day Sierra Nevada backpacking and rock climbing trip for when I get back. It's an all expense paid trip sponsored by Outward Bound for Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans. i feel I deserve this, and have definitely earned it.

[steady]

I know once I get home I will be able to quickly read the reality of the sitch, and move from there.

I think I am clear on what your intention about this. Just remember, the 'reality' of your sitch will sometimes change second by second, minute by minute, day by day. The sitch doesn't really change, your W will - like a roller coaster.

If you stay steady, the sitch will not change for you - work on yourself, have no expectations, stay in the moment, take care of yourself and the girls, stay out of your W's head, don't project, accept any outcome/consequence/change, etc...

I just signed up for a 5 day Sierra Nevada backpacking and rock climbing trip for when I get back. It's an all expense paid trip sponsored by Outward Bound for Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans. i feel I deserve this, and have definitely earned it.

Now this is awesome. When you go, leave all the rest of the 'stuff' at home as best you can.

[tbart01]

You're absolutely correct once again steady. I just haven't been able to face it for real like I've mentioned before. I'm completely expecting the worse. Unfortunately I've had two bad dreams and one decent one about the sitch for the past 3 nights.

I have been back to my normal joking, funny, laughing self the past few days, and it's felt pretty good. It's a side of me people are to have back, it's been quite a long time.

I just hope I'm able to keep it going for the next 9 days. Thinking about going home since it'e so close makes for very long days.

[steady]

That's all understandable tbart. The dreams will come and go. I remember all those mornings waking up and the first thing that came into my head was my sitch. I remember the sinking feeling every time I re-realized it was really happening - and not just a bad dream.

Keep focusing on you and being now and those joking, funny, laughing self days will be there. The more you can keep your head out of your sitch and more on your task at hand the better you will do. The least amount of control you try to exercise, the better your chances of everything working out positively.

[tbart01]

Unfortunately this has already affected my career to a certain extent. All those days I was consumed with the sitch over here caused me to not be recognized for my performance.

It will now be more difficult for me to make my next rank. I never stopped doing my job, but my commander assumed differntly even though he had only seen and talked to me once.

Now I not only have my M to worry about, but now my career has been affected. To think I volunteered to go to Afghanistan, and all I got out of it was a tarnished career and a potential D.

My joking funny self has just become very angry. My 17 1/2 year marriage is damaged, and now my stellar 20 year career is in question. I'm considering retirement, and that's the part of my career that is in question. I don't like how the Air Force has treated during this time.

I brought this up to my W some time back and she said she didn't want me to retire. last time I checked she no longer has a say in this. I hope she's happy at what she's done. She's successfully ruined a family and a career.

I just want to get my a$$ back to the states. This knocks my uplifted attitude back down. The dreams certainly haven't helped me. I hate waking up and realizing this is all really happening.

[luvless]

I hate waking up and realizing this is all really happening.

I could have written this line.

[Surviving03]

couldnt we all have written that line... man is life crazy or what?! I gotta make a new profile tbart, my H has apparently been reading my blog... i will try to let u know its me somehow