Lately, when we do talk I am doing most of the listening. I am trying very hard not to bring up our R at all. I was very bad about pushing him to work on our marriage, up until January. Then I did a 180 and started acting more like a friend and listening to him. He would call me, but it was usually when H and OW were fightn. He tends to get depressed if he hasn't seen our kids in awhile, and that usually causes fights between them. Since January I have really only had one major slip up, and that was when he called his lawyer on our sons 1st bday to have the pretrial conference reschedule. I told him he was making a mistake, and so on.
How do you project that you are happy that they set you free, when thats not the case at all? I struggle with that everyday. I have a hard time getting out bc I am a mom with 2 young boys. I try to get out and do as much as I can with them, going to the zoo, park, so on. But there are very few times when I get to go out without them.
I have told him several times that I respect his feeling and understand why he doesn't think we can make our marriage work. I try very hard to validate his feeling. But at times I tend to start talkn like a therapist, but I catch myself and kick myself for doing it. I have even gone as far as to apologize for or to talk responsibility for my mistakes in our marriage. I have tried to boost his confidence when it comes to taking care of our kids, because I always stepped in and did it for him. where as now he has to attempt it on his own, and I am there to help if he needs it.
I can see your point on WAS, because I have told H many times all the things that I would change personally if we worked on our marriage. I am taking baby steps to show him that I mean business. One of his biggest complaint is that we spent too much time with my family, all holidays or birthdays and so on. His biggest complaint is that we never had any traditions of our own. I was always felt that I needed to be at every family function, whereas now because of all of this realize taht I don't need to be, I just need to be with my family (H and Kids). So this Easter, the boys and I will not be at Easter with my family, rather we are going to go to the zoo with my SIL and hang out.
I just hope he can start to see, before its too late. It took me going to therapy and being on an antidepressent too realize that I miss and love my H very much, even thru the PA.
XH 30 W 29 M 5/Together 9 2 boys ages 3 and 1 Bomb of OW 10/2009 Divorce final 7/2010 Now in limbo
