Just don't get it

[Kemper]

My father was never a part of my life. My parents divorced when I was two. I saw my dad two more times in my life, once when I was 8 and again when I was 20. He never provided any financial support and I have no idea to this day if he is alive or dead.

I am not saying this for pity. I am telling you because I was impacted by my father not being around and being selfish. I blamed my mother for years, actually up until this past year to be honest, for not trying harder to salvage the marriage.

I have two sons, one a little younger than yours and one a little older and I honestly couldn't imagine them not being in my life. I will fight tooth and nail to ensure I am always a part of their life. I want to make sure that we both benefit from having a solid relationship regardless of what happens between my W and I.

I am not writing this to make you mad at your H or to feel sorry for your son based on the actions of his father. I am writing this because you can't control what your H does. You can control what you do. Make sure that no matter what your H decides to do that you shower your son with love and affection and let him know how important he is to you and how special he is as a person. Talk to him openly and honestly as he grows up and reach out to him to talk about the relationship he has or doesn't have with his father. Don't ever talk bad about his father to or around him but I also wouldn't defend his father if he talks ill about him.

If the relationship between your son and his father continues to be strained in the future years then you will need to try and fill both roles. Make sure that you discipline your son and stick to your boundaries with him when he is young because he needs to respect you or else you will probably have trouble in his teen years.

Nobody knows what is going to happen between your son and your H or for that matter between you and your H. I wrote this to you because I wish somebody back in the day wrote this to my mother. If they had I think it would have made a big difference in the relationship I had with my mom. Only now that I am going through what I am going through have I actually talked to my mom about her relationship with my father and what happened. I can't blame my mother entirely for what happened, both my parents were at fault. I just wish my mother would have had the courage to talk with me honestly about it without necessarily throwing my father under the bus so to speak. I can look back now and say that I should have approached her as well but I was young and immature so that is my excuse.

If your H doesn't spend time with his son it will impact him as he grows up. There isn't anything you can do to stop that but you can lessen the impact by being the best mom I know you already are.

Like anything on this board take this as it is and do with it as you feel best.