I'm giving up, told W I'll sign at the end of FEB

[TooLateForMe]

Got a text last night from W saying she and DDs were back from their mini-vacation. Since I was in a negative mood I didn't respond. She called right after but I didn't answer. I knew I'd tell about how I felt and it would either end in an argument or I'd tell her I would file the D.

I'm a bit anti-wife these days, at least re: my W. I think I've spent too much time away. It's hard to see her as that loving, prudent woman I fell in love with. My sister called her "poison" for me. I'm almost at that point. It's my own fault.

I'm doing more to GAL, working on my career goals and taking jobs for some design work. I have plenty of things going on. I met a cool girl (not a pejorative, she's barely able to drink). I'm working on developing a lower-key attitude, being kind and upbeat.

But I STILL think about my W every day. The hope is grinding me down. The idea of talking to her is scary.