How did I get so lucky? And I'll never be able to mangia pasta without being distracted again.
My oldest son (24 years) and I went out to dinner tonight and were having a fine time. I'd previously mentioned the possibility of him paying rent while living at home. I brought it up. The mood at the table changed. When I suggested an amount lower than he paid in college (which didn't include the addition utilities, food, etc. expenses) he said that he'd move out before paying anything.
I blinked, astounded. He'd rather have six times the expenses and have his own freedom. He's talked of living home for only a short period so he could move out, have his own place and space. I struggled to get over the f*ck you, sense of rejection feeling I got from such a dramatic statement.
He said he'd been doing a spreadsheet, trying to plan it out. That me feeling rejected wasn't his intent. I sat back, relaxed (well it took about 15 minutes of me sorting it out), mentioned a few basics... like having at least a three month cushion, planning for paying his college loans, etc.
Now I feel okay. It's something he's been planning. It's nothing personal. And I think I will ask for a token amount until he moves out, just to keep it real. I do tend to cave like a marshmallow on hot pavement right before an elephant steps on it.
I might have the beginnings of my harhim. Pasta Guy who punched me hello in the arm when he came in on closing night with all the food. (I'm taking that as a joyful acknowledgement of unexpectedly seeing me). Weekly half hour chitchats at the coffeehouse with someone I've known on the periphery for years. And the guy I impulsively hugged because I didn't realize how much I'd missed seeing him. Close your eyes, Kalni.... babysteps!
