Thanks - I"ve been very depressed today. I'll be sure to make the space although this week I have no rehearsals so I was going to use the time to bond with the family = ack!
I cried a lot today but made movement toward getting a new therapist that specialized in my particular childhood issues so I"m glad about that.
Planning on working on communicating more with H in MC next monday - the thing that scares me is I don't know how I"m going to handle the "I should have dumped you early on because we were doomed" speech I get any time I try to look at what went wrong between us and work on how to fix it. He's in so much avoidance mode I don't think I can take it and stay calm. Any advice? I will ask our MC for advice too.
Just feeling really poed that H's idea of dealing with problems is not dealing with problems, blaming every one else (me), and living in a narcissistic bubble.Of course I shouldn't be surprised, that's what my father did my whole life. IRony is, my father has changed that in his older age.
Wishing I was stronger to walk away. My advice to anyone else would be to let him go and see if that is really what he wants ultimately, but the pain on being on this end of rejection and blame is too painful. THus, the therapist hunt - time to look for someone to help me deal with this pain as it is my issue to work on. Letting go...the hardsest thing for a girl who left a broken home at 15 and dreamed of a family of her own for so many years.....and once she found the very thing she dreamed of her whole life is facing watching it dissolve into nothingness...
