Moving Foward

[Kemper]

To stay busy when I don't have the boys I have been hanging out with friends, cleaning the house, painting, getting furniture for the boys, anything to not sit around.

I do agree that the best revenge is to live well and happy. I do really well until I need to pick up the boys and see her. I act as if but inside I am still pissed at her, mainly for being selfish and not working on it for the boys. I still have to detach but it seems to be getting easier each time.

As far as the Easter thing goes CLV I hate to say it but that is a decision that you need to make and not regret.

I see the point about doing it for the kids however, your children are really young like mine and I doubt they would remember if you were there or not. Do you remember Easter when you were 3? I actually talked with my C about Easter and my decision. He said it is pretty typical right after S or D for the spouse that "walked" to try and do family things for major holidays. He said that it usually doesn't last past a year or two as the two people move on with their lives.

On the flip side it gives you an opportunity to show with actions how you have changed. You, like I have no idea what is going on in your W's head. Maybe this is a test, we will probably never know.

All I will say is you need to do what feels right for you and not what we think. That is my opinion.

As far as the house goes it goes to my point above that you don't know how it affects her either. Maybe she wants to spend as much time as she can in it because she needs to let go of it too, thus the reason to help you paint. Who knows but I don't think you can automatically assume she could careless.

The reason I say that is because in reading through some of the posts by WAWs it is really, really clear that they are/were also in a ton of pain. Is it right that they couldn't open up and discuss it vs. doing what they did, no. They choose to take the course they did. Sometimes I wish I knew what was going on inside my STBXW's head and other times I think that I am better off not knowing. Why, because she has issues that she has to deal with and there isn't anyone in this world that can solve them for her but her.

All I would say is do what feels right.