I was very romantic and I stepped it up and up and up until blood was draining out of my nose ears. I changed so much that I feel I would actually be a "catch" for someone now. ... I can see your point of view in this. My wife has NEVER offered to do non intercourse rememdies... none, never. ...
To help, on a different forum it was suggested, we made a contract ...My confidence is at 0% and having the contract was suppose to help me know she will not reject me and put the responsibility on ME to come to her to ask for it.
This is what I offered my H- just as an experiment, b/c he was tired of getting rejected. He wouldn't take my offer. So I'm at a roadblock. I'm so sorry that she agreed to it and then didn't follow through. I hate to say it, b/c it could be me, but that says something.
Once again, have you delved into everything she feels she needs- beyond the "if you'd only do this or that for me"- that's just fluff on top that comes out of a loving, respectful relationship- it's not a to do list she wants, it's a way of being, which includes never expecting sex in return for what you do on an everyday basis. I know it sounds harsh, but that was what helped kill my desire- my H's "transactional" view of sex and all the pressure that was on to reciprocate b/c he was keeping track of all the nice things he did for me. I'm just trying to give you the other perspective in case it helps. Maybe she does not feel heard, truly heard, by you in whatever her issues in the R are.
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You see I have lost all desire to wew her and at the risk of sounding mean, if she wants to go on a date she will have to ask me. I just don't care and I hate that I don't care, it just seems to be there.
I agree. I need to grow up and get over it, but that is sooooo hard. Why couldn't she get over what ever needed to be done to have intimacy with me all those years ago, and now still reject me?
Not sure I understand that last sentence. Can you clarify? Like you feel you already solved the problems for her and she still won't be intimate, or what?
Are you GALing?
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
