rr22, I'm sure I will hear it again several more times. It's his refrain right now. For three months, I've listened to all the terrible things I did and how I'm to blame for the trouble. He has not yet truly recognized his part in any of the difficulties, but it's not my job to point it out. I have stayed silent about anything he's "done" in the course of our marriage. I have not been defensive, yet I've tried to explain (not justify) anything I felt was questionable or even partially untrue.
I have and will continue to take real responsibility for my part. I hope that he'll be able to move past the "too little, too late" mentality at some point.
I can't remember if I wrote this in another post, so forgive me if I repeat myself. H was talking about his personal credit card debt and how it stressed him. He said, "I guess it's time for me to be an adult and start paying off my credit cards." Then I said, by the same token, could he see that it was time to be an adult and start working on our marriage? He responded, "The most adult thing I've ever done is leave here." I did not voice my dissenting opinion. The truly adult thing to do, in my view, would not be to go stay with your mother and try to forget about your wife.
He dismissed the idea of MC when I brought it up back in January because "it wouldn't do any good to tell another person the same things he's already told me." He's never been in IC before. He has only seen a psychiatrist (many moons ago) for medication. A psychiatrist like that doesn't do any counseling--only med management.
Good suggestions on how to use my time to think about what it would take for me to be happy with H. It's doubly hard to deal with him because he doesn't see this unhappiness in himself. He doesn't relate his career/job dissatisfaction to his own dissatisfaction. I worry about his frequent changing of jobs. I am settled into a career, and I'm going to be a lifer at what I do. I'm worried that, at some point, he's going to apply for a highly desirable job and that it will look suspicious or questionable that he's had so many different jobs in so short a time. I'm also looking for him to have some career stability. The new job he's considering isn't anything in his field or remotely close to his field. It's not a career move, by any means.
I will continue to work on myself as you suggested. I have a ten-day vacation that starts this Thursday at noon. I can hardly wait. I have many tentative plans. I'm thinking of painting my living room and bedroom. I'd like to think of something to do with my kitchen (hoping for inspiration). I'll spend the rest of the time doing ME things: a pedicure, a hair appointment, and possibly some spa time (massage or facial). I also plan to do some intense reading for pleasure and for self-improvement. I may even do a little clothes shopping. The possibilities are endless!
