Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Update. Went to the gym last night and saw my W there. She gave me a quick wave. I gave a quick wave back and walked the other way. She worked out for a while and left. I worked out on the other side of the gym so as not to make her feel that I was invading her space. Neither one of us left early because the other was there.

We finally spoke today about the house. She asked when were we going to put it for sale. I told her that I have been working to fix it up and have more work to do. She wanted to know when I would be finished. I told her that I would not commit to a specific date because I couldn't give her an honest answer. I gave her a list of the things that need to be finished on the house and asked if she would be willing to help with any of it. She said no, that she wouldn't paint, wouldn't help with the yard work and she wouldn't clean the house. Unbelievable. I asked her why she was unwilling to help and her response was that she didn't think doing any of those things were necessary to put the house for sale. Um, ok. I tried my hardest to validate her. I did ok but I did say that I disagreed with her and said that these things do need to be done to sell the house and get the price we talked about. Of course, she disagrees. I'm a realtor and she is going to argue that point with me. Whew! I told her that we obviously disagree and that all I can say is that I will keep working as fast as I can to finish the house and will let her know when it's ready. She kept telling me that she wanted to sell it 6 months ago. We debated about that for a bit. I reminded her of a couple of things during that time that made it confusing to me of her intentions with the house. Of course she stood firm on her version of the events. I dropped it at that point. I told her that I didn't think this conversation was being very productive at this point and that we should talk another time. She was quiet for a bit, sort of surprised that I was getting off of the phone, then said ok. I had to ask her another question so the conversation lasted a few more minutes.

Towards the end of the conversation I did mention to her that I know she moved back into her parent's house after she told me she was still at her sister's house. She tried to explain to me that it was a temporary situation. I stopped her and said it's none of my business but that she could have been honest with me as I am being honest with her. I told her that she doesn't owe me any explanation and I thought it was good she was living with her parent's. I said she shouldn't have to feel like she has to rush to find a place to live and she can take time to search for her own place. Anyway, I then tried to get back on the subject and said that we can talk later about the house. It was so hard not to get upset with her. I wouldn't say I got upset but I was very frustrated with her. I'm sure some of it showed. I just couldn't believe that she was unwilling to do anything to help with the house. It is her house too. I didn't even need to be there if she would help. She could do her work when I'm not there. Ughh...so frustrating.

I forgot to ask her an important question about the house and I called her back a few minutes later and left her a voice mail. She called me back a few minutes after that. I asked her my quesiton with something else that needed to be done with the house and she offered to take care of it. She also said she would take care of planting flowers around the house too. So that was a bit better. I apologized to her for bringing up that she moved into her parent's house. I don't think it made me weak but I thought it was the right thing to do. She said it wasn't a problem and that she is trying to be honest with me too. She said it gives her time to look for an apartment. I told her again that she didn't owe me any explanation and that I shouldn't have backed her into a corner. Then I asked her if she was willing to keep me on her health insurance. She scheduled to take me off of her health insurance the end of this month. She said that she could now and gave several reasons why. I asked her to clarify some of the reasons so I could better understand. She once offered to keep me on if I was willing to pay for my end. I had told her that I would. She told me tonight that she wasn't sure if I would have really paid her or not. She said because I wasn't willing to sign any separation agreement a couple of months ago, that she wasn't sure what I would do.

Then she said something very interesting to me. She told me that she doesn't know which mza8 she sees from one week to the next. Sometimes she sees the consistent mza8 and sometimes not. I asked her to please elaborate on that because I think I have been consistent lately. She said that I have "varied" back and forth for the past couple of months but she then admitted that she has seen a consistent mza8 for the past couple of weeks. Wow, I couldn't believe she said that. She gave me something positive. She must be watching after all. Question is if my continued consistency will hopefully pay off in the end or this is her just throwing me a bone. I'm sort of shocked right now. I cannot believe she finally admitted that she has seen my consistency for the past two weeks. We did not go into any R talk at all. She then wanted to say that she was very sorry about the passing of my friend last week. We talked about the viewing and about my friend for a bit. She seemed genuinely into the conversation. This second phone call tonight was much, much better than the first. Perhaps we were both on our guard during the first phone call. It was almost like we both took a deep breath before the second phone call and relaxed. My W didn't mention anything about D. Like I said, we didn't talk about the M at all but at least I know she's watching. If she's watching then hopefully that means she's watching for a reason.

I almost screwed up on the first phone call...almost. I did mess up on a few things but nothing major, I don't think. It's amazing how in my mind I know how I need to act when talking with her but once you get into the conversation it can be damn hard not to allow emotions to influence your actions. I definitely see how ending a conversation early, if things get emotional, is the right thing to do. We ended the conversation friendly (much better than the first call ended) and said we would talk again in a couple of days for the house update. We also talked about our taxes and it appears that she wants to file jointly which is something she didn't want to do before. We talked about dropping off our information to our accountant.

Wow, this stuff can really drive you crazy if you let it. All in all I think it was a pretty good conversation. At times, I so much want to get to the next step with W and talk about our M and work on it together. In a way maybe we are both working on it now by working on ourselves.