I had an important moment today. I had mentioned to H that I was going snowshoeing, and I could sense a little reaction in him. Some kind of disequilibrium I guess, because he knows that I don't any friends who would be likely to go snowshoeing on a weeknight...he may have assumed it is a "date". Anyway I was walking down the street later thinking about that and I suddenly realized that my thoughts about H were a hook for me. Not a new realization, but it felt fresh at the time. I breathed into the "sticky" feeling and saw that it was about me, not about H. That moment was a babystep towards detachment.
This is good to hear- and from reading all your story, I think a little detachment will be healing and good for you right now. It doesn't have to mean breaking away 100% forever, but reducing the triggers and attachment when negative things are happening is a positive thing.
You have to let us know how the snoeshoeing goes!
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
