Have you tried making Sundays about being the days you do stuff you WANT to do instead of HAVE to do? Church? Treating yourself to a nice lunch out? A facial? Mani / pedi?
What are you doing for fun? We need to hear about that.
My GAL has been my little art class on Sats., shopping, spending time w my sister's kids. I havent' been doing too much GAL & I'm sure it's part of the problem.
I know I should be going out w friends but honestly, I dont' feel like seeing people (friends) right now. I hate admitting that, but it's true. My life is in such a mess, I don't feel like bringing people up to speed on it. I know that's terrible. I need to GAL but I feel like I've got to get this move done & the S done, & work has me working overtime right now.
I'm just overwhelmed by all the stuff I need to do moving out. Excuses excuses. You are right.
I need help with goals. I need to make my C help me stick to them. I need to do better with this. It's a problem & probably holding back my progress.
I need someone keeping on me when it comes to this stuff. Thanks for making me come clean on it. Please continue!
Wavering again on asking H to pay 1/2 the L fees. I see he pd a $2,000 retainer fee a few days ago (on his account not our joint one) & I felt bad about putting that in S agrmt. I'm losing my perspective here. I know it doesn't matter to our R.
Thanks friends. (((Kara))) I hope all is well. I'll check in soon.
Aver, I hope your chin is still up. I think Flowmom gave you good advice about C. Hugs to you & I'll check back soon.
I know I should be going out w friends but honestly, I dont' feel like seeing people (friends) right now. I hate admitting that, but it's true. My life is in such a mess, I don't feel like bringing people up to speed on it.
Go somewhere and meet new people. It's March Madness--go to a sports bar and hang out to watch the games. I don't even like basketball but I did that last year. Got hit on, too.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I asked friends to help me with getting some stuff done. To hold me accountable. Did that during the worst of my drinking phase--no drinks until I wrote the agenda for the board meeting!
I definately needed some discipline from the outside.
Re: life is a mess and bringing people up to speed on it: then don't! Really! get together with a friend (really, please do! please don't stay alone with tasks piling up and overwhelming you) and just say: hey, I don't need or want to talk about my life right now--let's just talk about sports-weather-nail polish--whatever it is you talk about when your life is NOT a mess.
I have done this several times. One, not to overwhelm my friends with my constant terrible state. Two, just to give MYSELF a break from talking/thinking about my constant terrible state.
Just say: thanks for asking, things are going along, how are YOU?
I can't be too much of a pot/kettle, as I don't have any goals right now either (well, I do have that half marathon) But in the 'eating an elephant' parable--one bite at a time.
Pack books one day. Then call a friend. Pack old files the next day. Then call your Dad.
Can you call some friends over for a packing party? You drink, and dictate what goes where, what gets thrown out, and they put it in boxes. All the memory/picture stuff can go in a box that says: open later. Much later.
If it had turned out that I had to move, that is what I was planning on doing.
My chin is not up, but I will pretend it is, for your sake. I have a bit more time now to catch up on threads.
Know that I am always thinking of our parallel universes, even when I don't get a chance to write.
Thanks friends! Good ideas. I am feeling better today, got through a grueling work event yesterday, got some sleep.
Had a moment of lucidity that's probably obvious to you & others:
I am not taking care of myself physically, emotionally, socially. So of course I feel like crap!
So "busy" I'm not eating right/enough, not getting enough sleep, not reaching out to people, not being around people.
Now after reading your posts it's clearer too. I need the kick in the rear. Thanks for the thoughts. I'm adding the goal of putting these ideas into practice.
Another goal: Email to H that I'm moving & the dreaded dividing up of big "stuff" (not really much though). Would rather do by email than "meeting" if possible.
So, thoughts again are welcome.
Would you mind giving feedback on this email to H?
"Hi, I will be moving out hopefully in a few weeks to brother's. I am going to start moving some stuff this weekend but can't fully move in as the room isn't ready yet.
We haven't talked @ how to split stuff in the house but here are my ideas.
I'd like to take the bed, dresser, desktop computer & one of the TVs. Please let me know if you had other thoughts.
As for the big stuff I am open to discussion on how to divide:
Dining rm set TV big Leather chair China Crystal Dishes Cookware Artwork thought we'd just keep what was ours before. Thanks
Also, I just paid my student loan pymt. out of joint checking, but am depositing a check from my account to cover it, so that will hit in a few days.
Thanks for the good thoughts, the ideas and the push I need to work on the GAL & goals. I've been bad about checking in on your threads this week but will try.
Aver, I know I'm not much help to you but sending you hugs and lots of support. Pearl thanks for checking - hope all is great with you!
H, I am moving and will be fully vacated in the next few weeks. I plan to begin moving some of my items this weekend.
I will be taking the bed, dresser, desktop and one tv along with half of the china, cookware, dishes, crystal and the artwork that belongs to me. I am open to discuss the division of the big tv and leather chair.
I'm somewhere between LFA's and CG's answer....the first part, definitly. Don't offer more info than is necessary.
But as for taking half the china...half a dinner set isn't much use to either party. Right?
so would a better division be one of you gets all the china, one gets all the crystal, that sort of thing?
Unless you think X is just not the sort to ever care that he has any nice china or crystal--in which case, you take it all.
If anyone agrees with me that half a dinner set isn't much use, than LFA should take whichever thing she most likes...the china or the crystal or the cookware.
Thanks Aver! Actually H is the type who likes (or liked when we got married) picking out the dishes, stemware. Unusual I know! Now, I don't think he'd care as much.
Not sure I do either. But, I don't have $$ to buy all new stuff even though I'd love to do that. I may just suggest I take x, he take y & see if he agrees. My sense is he doesn't care about any of it, unless he could sell it.
Thanks. I hope you have a good weekend. Aver, do you celebrate Passover? It's a little late but Happy Passover to you! (((()))))
Knowing nothing about your X except what you have written, I have to say my sense is he wouldn't care. Yours being like mine, right--walked away, done, no convo, so why would he suddenly be passionate about the silver?
I go with your thought that you say what you want, and see what he says. That way you are making your statements, and he can respond to it.
What have you got planned for the weekend? Besides packing? A movie with a girlfriend? something to take a break from the solitude and the packing.
I'd keep the e-mail polite, friendly and efficient. Not too much info.
What are you doing this weekend? What is the one thing you have always wanted to do but you haven't done to date? Can you make it a reality? Can you start planning for it?
Hey, you may not have the money to buy all new china etc but a great trend in tableware is mixing and matching. Maybe you can incorporate a few new pieces of your own for a hip,updated look. Just find some pieces that compliment what you have and take it from there for that one of a kind vibe that shows your indviduality.
I really want to hear what you DID for fun this weekend, LFA. I will be grading you .
.