You are not a failure Lea. You're a great mom, a great person, and a great wife. I think you still feel that this is about you, your failures, your short comings. You were not a perfect wife, none of us are perfect spouses. You must accept that this is about him. What's going on in his mind is why your M is at this point. Our responsibility at this point is to get out the way, let them complete the journey and focus on ourselves and the other love ones left behind. Anything you do only pushes him away faster. The OW is nobody, he using her to help him mask the pain and guilt he feels for leaving his family.
At this point just let your lawyer handle things. He needs you to push him along by fighting with him about anything. Don't do it, if you must fight, fight through your lawyer.
