You are probably right, but if I wait that long for sex I will end up in an affair. Even though I've suppressed my libido, when I get to a boiling point my memory floods with anger and resentment and if I went that long I would easily find someone to play with.
I gave her an ultimatum, not just because of the lack of sex, but because I was the only one trying to make it better so we could enjoy sex AS A MARRIED COUPLE. I was done trying and resigned to 8 or so years of a near sexless marriage and then get out.
She needs to try now, as she admitted not trying then. I'm done trying. She told me to come to her anytime and ask for it. I came to her this morning and got rejected yet again.
...I gave her an ultimatum, not just because of the lack of sex, but because I was the only one trying to make it better so we could enjoy sex AS A MARRIED COUPLE. I was done trying and resigned to 8 or so years of a near sexless marriage and then get out.
She needs to try now, as she admitted not trying then. I'm done trying. She told me to come to her anytime and ask for it. I came to her this morning and got rejected yet again.
A couple of observations.
Ultimately, you can not change your wife, only she can change herself. An ultimatium, is really establishing a boundary that she can understand how her behaviors will cause you to act. You need to explain to her how the boundary the two of you had agreed to was crossed and how you felt and are going to act as a result of her crossing that boundary.
It takes both partners to fix a marriage. If you are truly "done trying" then you might as well figure out how to live with the status quo for the remaing 8 years or how the two of you can actively end the marriage sooner. That might actually be a discussion point for when you talk to her about the boundary that she crossed; just make sure that you are not angry when you do the discussion and that if your wife is emotionally overwhelmed that you recognize it, stop the discussion and tell her that the two of you can continue the discussion at a time when you are both calm and not feeling defensive, overwhelmed or angry.
I will say it again, I suggest that before you do anything that you find the time to heal yourself, find forgiveness for your wife's actions and then move foward in what ever direction will bring you the most happiness. I too have been in an SSM and ultimately forgave my wife and learned about what I had done to hurt her and how that caused her to hurt me. Marriage is hard work, as is life.
Good luck
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
My sexual prime came and went and she is so sorry for not being there and supporting me (I get a lump in my throat thinking of it). My libido is not what it was, maybe from lack of use and rejection, I'm healthy 37 that exercises a lot and eat right, sleep enough.
Nonsense. If it helps, I'm 20 years older than you, and my sex drive is showing no signs of dropping off. It's possible to feel periods of temporary or situationally reduced desire if you're having a lot of psychological issues around sex, such as frequent rejection.
